Your Child's Journey

wisdom for the big steps little children take

Deliciously Deceptive

By Leave a Comment

image_printPrint Page

While I was on home leave in December, I found a book full of great ideas for getting children to eat their veggies. Yes, there is help for those of you with children who would love the t-shirt our son got for Christmas one year. It said, “Vegetables are UGLY!” Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld, Dr. Seuss books, and stuffed toys were on sale for $5.00 each. I couldn’t resist! I could get $5.00 worth of good ideas out of any cookbook. But this one is worth a lot more to me and moms who can’t get their kids to eat their vegetables.

Jessica starts her book with, “I had tried everything, and yet all my efforts to feed my family were being undermined by a powerful force: vegetables. Mealtimes were reduced to a constant pushing and pulling, with me forever begging my kids to eat their vegetables, and them protesting unhappily. Instead of laughing and having fun with my family, I was irritated and stressed as I labored to coerce them to eat food they found ‘disgusting.’ I couldn’t take it any more. I just wanted a little peace around the dinner table.”
[Read more…]

New Kid by Friday- part 1

By Leave a Comment

image_printPrint Page

This month I have been reading a great book by Dr. Kevin Leman called Have a New Kid by Friday. Although it sounds like a quick-fix, self-help book, it is really well written and has such sound beliefs behind his teaching. He is a clinical psychologist, married for almost 40 years, and with experience raising 5 kids. He is a believer in Jesus and uses Biblical principles, though he doesn’t declare chapter and verse. I have been confirmed by this book in what I teach moms with young children. I want to share some of the principles from this book over the next few months when I send your monthly bulletin to you. Of course Dr. Leman has much more to say and lots more examples than I will ever be able to cover in this short email.

For those of you who have been receiving First Steps bulletins for a while, some of these points will be review. Dr. Leman has put these ideas in such easy to remember form that I want to share them again.

[Read more…]

Baby Blues and Beyond

By

image_printPrint Page

With the growing number of stresses on new moms, it seems a good time to revisit the topic of baby blues. In the first few weeks after giving birth up to 80% of new moms experience some degree of depression. It can be as mild as just being teary for no apparent reason to thoughts of hurting the baby or yourself.

The causes are usually a combination of hormonal, biochemical, environmental, psychological, and genetic factors. There are some predisposing factors like previous bouts of intense anxiety or depression, financial or marital struggles, or inadequate social support. But many moms have one or more of these factors and never experience depression. These negative feelings don’t make you a bad mom nor come because you are a bad mom.

Let’s look at some symptoms.

Some of the major symptoms of postpartum depression are: irritability, hypersensitivity, loss of concentration, crying, anger, hopelessness, guilt, difficulty sleeping, change of appetite or eating habits, and aches and pains.

Postpartum anxiety is experienced by about 10% of moms. The symptoms include extreme anxiety or irritability, restlessness and agitation, shortness of breath, chest pains or discomfort, sensation of choking or smothering, dizziness, faintness, hot or cold flashes, and fear of dying or going crazy or of losing control.

Another less common, but recognized problem is postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder. Moms may have recurrent disturbing or violent thoughts or images that center on harming their baby. They may have some of the more common symptoms of obsessive-compulsive behavior like hand-washing or ritualistic behaviors. But they may also hide the knives or avoid the kitchen in an effort to ward off thoughts of harming the baby or refuse to bathe the baby for fear they would drown their baby.

If you experience any of the more severe of these symptoms, get professional help as soon as possible. If your symptoms are less severe, here are some things you can do to help yourself overcome the baby blues.

  • Don’t put unnecessary or unrealistic expectations on yourself. You have just been through nine months of pregnancy and all the stresses that put on you. Then you’ve gone through delivery and now your body is trying to readjust again to not being pregnant or to nursing your baby. Cut yourself some slack! You won’t be able to jump right back into taking care of your house, cooking meals, taking care of any other children, and taking care of a new baby all at once!
  • Accept or ask for help. People love to help when there’s a new baby. When they offer to cook meals for you, accept their offer. If a friend drops by, don’t hesitate to ask her to do some chore that is making you crazy- like folding the laundry or sweeping the kitchen floor. That’s what friends are for.
  • Take good care of yourself. You will be much more able to care for your baby when you feel well yourself. Find time for a relaxing shower, even if you have to ask someone to watch your baby for an hour while you pamper yourself a little. If you usually wear makeup, put some on. Buy something new to wear post-birth and enjoy dressing up a little.
  • Get some rest. Even if you are having trouble sleeping, take breaks whenever the baby sleeps to read or watch TV or whatever else you find relaxing. Turn off your phone ringer, others can wait until you’re ready to talk to them.
  • Go outside in the fresh air and sunshine. Take your baby out too. Both of you will benefit from the change of atmosphere and the rhythm of walking.
  • Share your feelings. It is important to be able to talk to someone you trust about the feelings you are having. Join a mom’s group or find an on-line community that can help support you. Just knowing you’re not alone in your feelings will be helpful. And others may have discovered some things that were particularly good for them that you can try.

For a more in-depth article about more severe postpartum depression see: Not What I Expected

An excellent resource with tons of information, see- Postpartum Progress

If you or a friend is suffering with postpartum depression, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorder, don’t ignore the symptoms or feel ashamed of them, but seek good, reliable medical or psychological help as soon as possible.

Partnering With Your Child’s Preschool Teacher

By Leave a Comment

image_printPrint Page

If teaching was show business, then your child’s teacher would get star billing. But don’t forget about the other major player whose role in your child’s education can help make it a smash success: Yes, you, the parent.

When parents and educators co-star in a child’s big show – a.k.a. school – everybody benefits: The teachers who can count on the support of active and involved parents, the parents who stays connected to their kids and school and, most important, the child whose parents and teachers are working in tandem

Educational research bears out the fact that academic achievement, attitude, and attendance improve measurably when parents are involved in their children’s schooling.

These first years of school are the ideal time to start developing connections with the teachers, the school staff, and even other parents. Here are ways to keep in touch with the teacher and be an active partner in your child’s education.

Meet the teacher

To get the school year off to a good start – and help the teacher get to know your child and your family – set up a meeting with your child’s teacher early in the year, even, if possible, before your child starts. Many teachers in the classroom in the days before school starts. Also, it’s often a more relaxed time for them. If you haven’t already gotten an email, call, or letter during the summer, contact the school office to find out the best way to get in touch with the teacher. (These days, most teachers find email works best.) When you meet, help the teacher get to know your child’s passions (“She loves animals.”), problems (“He’s great at puzzles, but freaks out if he can’t finish one.”), and any other issues that may prove challenging at school. (“My child has trouble sharing.”)

Communicate often

Ask the teacher how she likes best to communicate – email, phone calls, or even a notebook that goes back and forth between home and school. Many preschool teachers are open to writing notes about your child every once in a while to check in; kindergarten teachers with more students to oversee are less likely to. Parent-teacher conferences – which usually take place once each semester – offer a chance to have a more in-depth conversation about your child. During conferences, ask the teacher to describe your child’s strengths and weaknesses, and be sure to air any concerns you have. (Click here and here for more tips on preparing for a parent-teacher conference.)

To read the rest of the article: GreatSchools.org

Preparing a Child for the Loss of a Loved One

By

image_printPrint Page

It’s tough to say for sure how your child will handle this kind of loss, especially depending on who the afflicted person is. Some kids actually handle the news better than adults — they might not truly grasp the situation ahead of time, and their tendency to live in the moment will prevent them from thinking too far ahead about it. However, the loss will have a significant impact on them at some point, and they’ll need your help moving forward.

One of the most crucial factors to keep in mind with children is the need to be honest. While there may be certain details you don’t need to give them — younger children might not necessarily need the explanation of the kind of cancer, for example — it’s important they have an accurate understanding of what’s going on. Use language they can understand, and simplify when possible. Answer their questions, and be prepared to go over things more than once. You might need to address things they’ve overheard from others, so be mindful of what’s said around them and be prepared to follow up.

Some children end up feeling somehow responsible for the illness of a loved one, especially if it’s a parent or someone else especially close to them. It’s easy for them to flash to an angry memory where they shouted an angry thought or “wish,” and come to the conclusion that they have actually caused the condition. Even if your child doesn’t say they are feeling this way, make sure they know in no uncertain terms that the illness is not their fault, and there isn’t anything they could have done to prevent it. Explain that sometimes, terrible things happen and wonderful people get sick.

Talk to your child about what’s going on regularly, even if they don’t outwardly seem to be very bothered by it. They might find comfort in creating a memory box full of photos, memorabilia, and other items that remind them of their loved one. Giving them a grief journal to write down their thoughts and feelings can also be soothing, whether it’s before or immediately following the passing. If your child seems to be struggling to cope or isn’t opening up to you, they might feel more comfortable speaking to an older sibling or another family member. Try not to get upset if this is the case — it’s possible that your child sees you coping with your own grief and doesn’t want to add to it. Let them know you’re always available to talk whenever they’re ready, and that it will never be a bother or inconvenience. Even if they don’t open up right away, it’s crucial to say the words so they know the door is always open.

Let your child be involved with visiting and caring for your loved one for as long as it’s appropriate. It may be tough for them to see that person, especially if they are visibly deteriorating, but it can be an important part of understanding and coping with the ultimate death. Give them the opportunity to say goodbye, especially if you become aware that time is running low.

Losing a loved one to a terminal illness is undoubtedly a bitter pill to swallow, but try to take comfort in the fact that their suffering will soon end. Lean on your family and friends, be open and understanding of how others feel, and do what you can to help everyone move forward.

Part of a much longer article from Neptune Society