Your Child's Journey

wisdom for the big steps little children take

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Multi-purpose Toys

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At Christmas time, we think about toys for our children. Let’s consider what kinds of toys are most beneficial for our children.

In this age of electronic gadgets and toys that talk and have colourful displays, it may be one of the things you consider giving your children this year.

I get it! In a restaurant the children who each have a phone or tablet to watch a video or play a game are quiet and still. In the same restaurant, children who brought their toys may be in the aisles playing and disrupting the peaceful atmosphere. The ‘electronic baby-sitter’ keeps kids quietly entertained. There are times when electronic toys are the best possible toy for your child.

Choose the toys you buy carefully

Electronic toys that talk, do not teach your child to talk. Children do not learn speech from gadgets. Children learn speech from watching and hearing live people talk. They watch your whole face, they see that there is a connection with you and with the words you speak. Electronic toys are not a shortcut to a child learning to speak.

When you play with your child and talk to them about what you are doing, they associate your words, expressions, and touch with the words. They see and feel the things being spoken about. Speech is more than mechanical, it is social and relational. There is no substitute or alternative for talking and playing with your child.

Screen time means less time for personal interaction of your child with adults.

The benefits of affordable, multipurpose toys

Blocks and balls, dolls and vehicles, puzzles and books all stimulate development in your child. Toys should stimulate your child’s imagination and problem-solving abilities. Toys should encourage your child both mentally and physically. These are the best choices.

There is a window of opportunity for children to learn specific developmental tasks. If they miss that window, there are synapses in their brains that are pruned. It is not that they cannot ever learn those skills, but it will be much more difficult and will take a lot more work to learn. One of those skills is spatial relationships.

Building with blocks, catching and throwing balls, stretching and reaching for objects and even puzzle assembly contribute to strengthening these pathways in their brains. Hand-eye coordination is not developed by pushing buttons on a phone or tablet.

To get the best benefit from the toys they play with, they need you and all their caregivers to spend one-on-one time with them to talk and ask questions and stimulate their interest and creativity. Modelling a new way to play with a traditional toy will challenge them to repeat that and then to find an even more creative way to use it.

The bottom line

There are no toys that can substitute for a warm, loving, dependable relationship. Use toys to enhance interactions between parents and child or caregiver and child. These relationships are vital to all round good development.

For more research based information see:

Pediatricians Say Kids Need Simple Toys, Not iPads and Electronics

More on Your Child’s Journey about toys:

A Sampling Period

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There were two professional athletes. One started learning his game at the age of 7 months and beat his own dad at the age of 8. This was Tiger Woods.

The other played a variety of sports: skiing, wrestling, swimming, skateboarding, basketball, handball, badminton and soccer. He didn’t begin to focus on tennis until his teens. His name is Roger Federer.

Roger’s path to greatness is more common than Tiger’s. There are some very good reasons for this. Those who stay in the same sport, master techniques that work against their current opponents. Those who try many sports, are more flexible as they face new opponents. Those like Tiger, develop their bodies for their sport. Those like Federer, develop all-over physical strength and agility.

In areas like the arts, like music and dance, there is less interaction with others of their age group. Often by the time they could be professionals, they have lost interest and enthusiasm for their talent and want to change fields to be in a more social atmosphere.

Childhood is the time in life when we should allow and provide for our children to try a variety of interests. Most parents want to give their children the benefit of starting early in sports or music. This is good. These activities help children learn how to learn. They learn to listen to and respond to different teachers and different methods of teaching. They learn how to practice until they are good at something. They learn to overcome obstacles by persevering. These are all great benefits of early involvement in sports and arts.

Here are some things to consider:

  • Why do you want your child in an activity? Is it because you are good at that or wish you were? You may have a very good reason, but make sure they also want to learn it.
  • What does your child want to learn? Can you teach them that skill or can you provide a teacher for them?
  • After choosing the activity and teacher, let your child know this is for a specific period of time. Make it long enough that they will learn basic skills. At the end of that time, perhaps a year, reconsider if they want to continue or if a change should be considered.
  • Don’t give into your child’s whining or frustration before they have completed the first agreed upon period of lessons. If you do, they will not learn the lesson that anything worth doing, takes practice and determination.
  • After a reasonable period of lessons, if your child shows no aptitude or interest in the sport or art, help them chose a different activity to learn. Wanting to play the piano with some musical gift is radically better than forcing a tone-deaf child to learn to read music. The first one will enjoy playing a song he has heard before, while the second one only makes noise and hates it.
  • If your child shows exceptional ability in a sport or art and wants to continue pursuing that, don’t force him or her to change. Some children develop like Tiger and can stick with one focus their entire life. You may consider encouraging them to enroll in some other activity in addition to their focus to help them stay well rounded in relation to their peers.

Even if your child chooses to pursue an activity that you don’t enjoy, be careful not to demean your child for his or her interest in it. Find something good about it and be sure to applaud their development. Your boy may become a chef of renown or your girl become a forest ranger. Your reputation as a parent does not rely on your child’s chosen field of interest. But your child’s respect for you as a good parent will make all those lessons you paid for worth your while.

If you like this article, you may like a previous article I wrote on the Benefits of learning music

Curiosity Grows

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As your child is beginning preschool, kindy, or primary school, curiosity takes on an even more important role than it did as they were a baby.

Before they start school, you can help them satisfy their curiosity about anything they like. You can give them lots of hands-on experiences, read books to them about whatever they are curious about, or find videos and even games that will teach them more about things they find interesting.

Once they start school and have homework, you may feel like the first thing they should do is homework and then you run out of time for the things they are curious about.

There have been some studies done that tend to take a different view of curiosity and learning. 

The more we know, the more we want to know.

Research shows curiosity grows with knowledge. So, sometimes the key to helping our kids improve their attitudes about homework is to see that they get a basic grasp of the subject so that they can become curious to learn more about it. Math facts are an example. It can be tedious to learn the basic facts, but once those are learned, they can begin to see how numbers work together to give us more understanding about our other interests.

Two things happen with curiosity. The first is that the hippocampus, the memory trigger in the brain, is stimulated. That’s why we remember well things that we learned through satisfying our curiosity. The second is that the chemical dopamine is released in the brain with curiosity. That is the reward and pleasure chemical in our brains. We feel good when we have been curious and learned something.

Try this ‘trick’ to help you child in subjects they don’t like.

In one study they found that when children were bored by a subject, curiosity could help them learn it in spite of their dislike. This is how you can make this work for your child. Spark their curiosity about anything they are interested in. Help them satisfy at least some of that curiosity at the beginning of homework time. When curiosity has been stirred, we remember other facts more easily and for a longer time. For a while after satisfying curiosity, whatever they are exposed to next, just seems to flow in more easily and creates memory of those other subjects.

I was not always thrilled with the things my little ones found fascinating. Our eldest, cut holes in the back of our recliner chair so he could see what was inside. He also took our record player apart into all its tiniest pieces! (We never could make it work again!) But both our sons were curious about everything. It has stood them in good stead in their jobs today. They are both always curious, always learning and that has made them very valuable to their companies. So, think long-term, when your child asks in infinite number of questions about something they find interesting! You help them develop a habit of curiosity and learning for their future.

Vocabulary Growth

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This is especially for parents with preschool children and older.

Every parent wants their child to do well in school. We want our children to read as soon as possible and to love learning. We know the importance of a good start to education. So let’s explore some things you can do to help your child develop a good vocabulary and use of language.

Read to your children often. Read stories they enjoy. And read books above their reading level about subjects they are interested in. If your son is fascinated by dinosaurs, don’t just read children’s books with dinosaurs. Find books and articles that teach more about them than they would be able to learn on their own.

Play word games. Driving in the car, waiting in line, and instead of a computer game, play guessing games. Challenge them to describe something of their choice. Ask questions about its use, parts, color, size, shape, what it is made of, what other things go with it, and its category. Then change roles and let your child ask the questions and guess.

Listen to your child tell a story. This may be the hardest thing you do all day with your child! Some children can talk your arm and leg off! But listen and ask questions. Push them to explain how it could be done differently. If your child doesn’t easily tell what they are thinking about, ask questions they cannot answer with a nod or one word. Encourage conversation. She may be shy or she may be afraid to say something wrong. Reward her attempts with extra time and attention from you.

Memory Games. You can start with rhymes or song lyrics. Grocery lists and steps in a process are all things we all must learn to remember. Memory will go a long way to helping your child in school. Retelling stories with the details in order is another way to help retention of facts. 

Fifty Cent Words. Kids love to learn a big, adult-like word for simple things. You can share a Fifty Cent word every day with your child and encourage them to use it in a sentence. Or let them choose a word that they would like to learn a Fifty Cent synonym for. We taught our toddler ‘umbilicus’ for ‘belly button.’ He loved to show off his Fifty Cent words and would try to insert them into conversations. Words have always been fascinating to him and helped him learn new vocabulary at school easily.

I’d love to be able to share your ideas of ways you help your children grow their vocabulary and become fluent in language. Email your suggestions to: Diane

“Listen, Mom, Dad! Listen!’

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Our goal to know our children doesn’t seem like an impossible goal. But then, we can realize that a whole week has gone by and we haven’t said anything to our children except the necessities. That isn’t the worst part, we have let a whole week go by without hearing anything but one word answers to our questions along with a nod, shrug, or blank-eyed stare.

There is a simple way to make sure we are hearing what our children are thinking about. It begins with a plan and then the commitment to keep to the plan. Set aside 10 minutes a day to listen to each child.

Children each have their “best” time of the day to talk. For many children it is right after they arrive home from preschool, kindy, or school. They have lots of stories about their day that they want to share with someone who will listen. If this is your child, plan and commit yourself to taking the first 10 minutes after arriving home (and before chores) to sit, cuddle, and listen to your child. They may bubble over with information or they may soak up your presence for a while before talking. Either way, ask an open-ended question that cannot be answered with “yes”, “no”, a nod, a shrug, or a simple fact. They have to think a little or remember something or express how an event made them feel. Follow-up questions may ask about how they reacted, what were other ways they could have responded, or what they want to do about it.

After 10 minutes, they may follow you into the kitchen and talk more while you prepare dinner. Keep your heart open and be ready to be a support and encourage your child.

For some children, it is during the bedtime routine that they want to open up. If this is your child’s best time, then plan your 10 minutes of listening as part of the bedtime routine. As they get into their teen years, bedtime or later will probably become their favorite time to talk.

Another time may be in the car. Some children really like to talk when you are not looking directly at them. They may find it is easier to talk when your eyes are on the road. This is fine. Find the way your own child can most easily express themselves.

Now, the trick is not to use this time to correct them or tell them your own story or intimidate them. If they feel like they will only open themselves up for scolding or a lecture, they will soon find ways to avoid the 10 minutes with you.

At some other time in the next day or so, you may say that you have been thinking about what they talked about. Then you might be able to tell your story or share some other ideas about ways to handle similar situations. Don’t make this part of the 10 listening, though.

Soak up these precious moments with your child. Remember what they talked about. Think about how they are experiencing their world. They will love your attention and it will be one of their sweetest memories of childhood.

Happy Listening!