Your Child's Journey

wisdom for the big steps little children take

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Routines

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The holidays are finally over. Christmas, New Years, and Chinese New Years and all the fun and hard work is finished. The older kids are back in school and if you are working outside your home, you are commuting again.

This is the perfect time to consider your routines. Think about which ones are working and which ones cause more frustration.

  • Do you have a regular bedtime with enough sleep to wake naturally in the morning? If not, consider ways to create an earlier bedtime. Morning routines are easier when everyone is well rested.
  • Do you have a routine for getting everyone dressed, fed, and out the door on time in the morning? Maybe you need to consider setting out before bed, everything that will be needed in the morning. A basket by the door for each person is a way many families manage the morning rush.
  • Do you have a time that is yours with your Heavenly Father? Even a short time is better than no time. Consistency with this will put you in a better frame of mind for the rest of the day.
  • If you are working from home with a baby or small child, do you have a routine that allows for time and attention to your child and yet a way to complete your work? Perhaps sharing childcare with another SAHM would provide you both with some valuable time without your children.
  • Do you have a routine for meal planning and preparation? One of the handiest kitchen appliances we have is a slow cooker. It means the main dish is ready with just a short time putting together a side dish just before sitting down to eat. Steamers are another way to shorten preparation time. It takes a bit of planning, but reduces the time commitment for healthy, home-cooked food.
  • Do you have a plan for family time together every day? If you don’t plan it into your routine, the time will get chewed up by other more ‘urgent’ things. I heard someone say that if we spend more time on the important things in our life, we will have fewer urgent things to attend to. When we are running around ‘putting out fires,’ we miss time for the important people in our lives.

OK, I’m sure you get the idea. I’d love to hear about any changes you make in your routine that gives you more time for loving on your kids and letting your spouse know how much you love and appreciate them.

Last year I wrote a post about Goals you might like to read it as you consider changes in your routines. See: New Year Goals

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The Positive Parent’s Creed

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A parenting plan with a future

We will let our children know we love them no matter what they do.

Our children will learn that love is not earned, love is freely given.

We will be honest about our mistakes, remembering to ask our children to forgive us when we fail them or misunderstand them.

Our children will learn the value of personal honesty instead of hypocrisy.

We will give each child some individual time and attention every day.

Our children will learn that they are important to us, not a nuisance that we endure.

We will listen to our children as well as talk to them.

Our children will learn that listening to one another is one of the most loving things we can do for each other.

We will help our children develop a genuine personal faith in God.

Our children will learn, through our example, the value of a genuine faith.

We will correctly love and lovingly correct.

Our children will learn that discipline is an expression of love.

We will teach proper relationship to authority.

Our children will learn that respect for authority is the key to a successful life.

We will encourage proper independence.

Our children will develop a strong conscience.

They will learn to withstand and overcome the negative pressures around them.

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Owning Our Own Behavior

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I read the previous article about creating a Culture of Accountability. It is excellent, though it will take some work to implement.

The reason this resonated with me is that there is an atmosphere of self-centeredness that is common today. This results from not being responsible for our own behavior.

Perhaps it is because children have not been taught that we are responsible for our own behavior. It is far easier to blame someone or something else for our bad behavior. “He made me do it.” “She called me a bad name, so I. . .”

Hitting, name calling, grabbing things are all symptoms of selfishness. Wanting our own way starts as a little aggression and becomes a habit if we don’t stop it. Nip it in the bud. “No one else makes you behave badly. Instead of . . ., next time choose to . . .”

Create an atmosphere of sharing and helping.

Helping our children learn that we all have a part to play in having a happy home. We can start by asking the question, “What can I do to help?” If we are each trying to help the others in the family, we aren’t focusing on our own will and wants. Even children coming to two years old can be given things to do that will help.

This month, try to involve your children in helping around the house. Make it an enjoyable challenge to finish ‘helping’ before recreation. Bad attitudes and stubbornness result in loss of ‘fun’ time. Don’t get sucked into a power struggle to get the kids to do what they are asked to do. But do let them know the consequences of not co-operating mean loss of whatever recreation they would have had (for a limited time that evening).

This takes some planning and the will to carry it through, but the benefits far outweigh the trouble.

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Relationships

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This year on home leave, we spent a week with our son and grandchildren, time with my Dad’s family and my siblings, time with friends in our town, time with a former student, and a friend we have not seen since university. Each visit was special and relationship strengthening. So this month I want to emphasize the importance of relationships.

The lives of young families today are busier than ever before. Work, kids, church, chores, and more make it hard to build relationships with others. You barely have time to keep your marriage in tune. But as hard as it is, it is vital that you build relationships with others, too. 

With cellphones and other media, there is a de-personalization of relationships. We can have instant access to people, but we no longer have as much time in their presence, feeling their hugs, tasting their food, and hearing their stories. When was the last time you received a hand written card or letter? 

We need, we All need, to have family ties, friends, and some very important people in our lives. 

You may start with your parents. If you are nearby, you probably already have significant time with them. Hopefully your children are benefitting from time with their grandparents. None of us crawled out from under a rock and made it all on our own. We had family who taught us what was important in life and showed us what it means to be loved. Knowing our parents and grandparents helps anchor us in the real world. Their stories of overcoming hardship encourage us when life doesn’t go as planned. Provide these connections for your children. 

Some of you don’t have parents nearby. If they are still alive, make every effort to visit as often as possible. But should your parents not be able to have a part in your children’s life, find an older person or couple to ‘adopt’ as  your children’s grandparents or aunts and uncles. They can be a wonderfully good reference point for your children’s growing foundations. Your church may be the first place to look for this relationship. 

You should have some other friends in your life to help you stay focused. These friends may be close for a short while or for a season in your family life, or life-long friends. To keep friends, you must spend time together. It is difficult to be confidential with someone you have never shared life with. Sometimes moves have torn you apart, but with these good friends, as soon as you are reunited, you pick up where you left off, hardly missing a beat. Take the time to stay in touch. 

My great treasure from this home leave is time of reconnection with my grandkids, my extended family, close friends and reconnecting with a former student and a university classmate! So precious were these hours together. So uplifting to all of us!

I believe we neglect relationships at our peril.

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Words, Words, Words

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As parents of babies and small children, we are very anxious for our baby to talk.  We listen carefully for their first words and hope it is Mama. Then we eagerly try to teach them words to help us know what they want or need.

Your little ones hear many more words than they are able to say. They begin to associate words with things around them and activities that happen. They recognize whether the tone is pleasant or tense or angry. All of this happens long before they can speak well.

I was just reminded about the effect of words spoken to or about us as children. Sometimes the echo of those words reverberate in us even to our old age. Nicknames can cheer or haunt us our whole lives. We must be very careful about the names we call our children. What sounds cute when they are little and is meant as a reminder of their sweet little baby behaviors can be very hard to live with as a teenager.

I know a mom who adopted several children from a foreign country. Thinking she would help her children be strong against the teasing she anticipated when they would go to school, she nicknamed them for their most different traits. She thought that if they got used to it at home, it wouldn’t hurt so bad later. For some of her kids it worked the way she expected. But for a few, it only made them feel more different and ashamed and isolated.

Unless it is a positive comparison that will help your child realize their potential, it is better not to use comparisons. Encourage your children to compete against themselves. By this I mean, saying things like, “Wow, look what you learned to do! Well done!” Comment on things they have done or attitudes they have, not on traits they have no control over, like their body type or intelligence.

One other caution about words. Words children hear in their environment are imprinted on their brains. Those words will pop out at random times. It is not just the words you speak directly to your child that they remember, but all the words being spoken in their presence. Pay attention to the vocabulary on the TV shows you watch or the music you play or your arguments with each other. Minimize their exposure to language you don’t want them to use.

Keep listening for your baby’s new words. Celebrate their achievements. And above all tell your baby how much you love him or her!

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