Key Thought
Knowing she belongs to a family and community is a key concept for your toddler to learn. Provide lots of opportunities for her to have special people in her life—those who are delighted to spend time with her.
16 Months Boy
Key Thought
Knowing he belongs to a family and community is a key concept for your toddler to learn. Provide lots of opportunities for him to have special people in his life, those who are delighted to spend time with him.
H.A.L.T.
Your children are spinning out of control. He’s crying and yelling. She’s whining and dragging her feet. The noise level is rising to painful.
It’s time to H.A.L.T. Thi
s is an acronym used in recovery programs, but it fits parenting very well. Things are harder when we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.
HALT and take a quick inventory. Is your child Hungry? Do you know why he’s Angry? Is Loneliness the problem? Is she Tired?
You cannot control every situation or always avoid your little one’s discomfort. But this little acronym, HALT, can give you a quick way to spot the problem and diffuse the emotions.
Hunger is probably the easiest one to fix. Start here and make sure everyone’s blood sugar level is up to normal. If not, a snack or meal is the next order of business.
Anger is usually quite easy to recognize. But it may take a little detective work to figure out what is the root of the anger and how to solve it. Giving a positive way to use up some of that steam can be a safety valve to prevent serious damage.
Children may not be able to tell you they are Lonely. They can be lonely even in a crowd, feeling left out or disconnected from you. Give some one-on-one time to ease this.
Tired children and tired adults get cranky. There is a reason that sleep deprivation is used as a torture strategy. As a basic biological need, human functioning quickly declines in the absence of sufficient sleep. Is it nap time? Has it been an exceptionally busy day or hot day? Some extra sleep can make all the difference.
Megan, in TheArtOfSimple.net said, “The best part of applying HALT to our parenting toolbox is knowing what is triggering undesirable behaviors in our children. Armed with that understanding, we are empowered to respond to them from a place of empathy and understanding, rather than from a place of confusion and frustration.”
Temper Tantrums
Here are some notes from a class I taught to moms in Hanoi. It is a good quick review of Temper Tantrums—Why and What Helps. Each child and each tantrum is a bit different. But there is some general information that will reduce the number and intensity of the tantrums.
Causes of Temper Tantrums:
- 9 months to 2 1/2 years – inability to communicate their needs is the most common cause.
- 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 years- power struggles with adults is the most common cause.
- Toddlers are easily overwhelmed leading to tantrums.
- Toddlers want to do more than they are capable of doing.
- Toddlers do not understand delayed gratification.
- Toddlers think they are the center of the universe and everyone should do as they want.
Preventing Temper Tantrums:
- Keep predictable routines. Toddlers love to know what to expect next.
- Have reasonable expectations for your toddler. Know what he is capable of doing.
- When you see your child beginning to get frustrated, change tactics before meltdowns start.
- Avoid known temper tantrum triggers
- Offer two choices, but ONLY two. They feel like they have more control when they get choices. But you like what they choose because they are both things you want for them.
- Give enough warning before coming changes. Some children need more lead time than others.
- Teach baby sign language to use at least until they learn to speak
- Give more frequent, smaller meals to keep blood sugar and moods level.
- For older toddlers begin saying yes first, then the limitation (yes you can ______, but first you must _____.)
Defusing Temper Tantrums:
- Distract them. This works best with younger toddlers.
- Act Silly – if you can get them to laugh, they may forget what upset them.
- Ignore it and go on with that you were doing. If it was just for attention, that will reduce the number and length of tantrums
- Bear hug- holding them until they are calmed down. They feel secure and loved even though frustrated.
- Remove them from the scene until they calm down.
- Acknowledge the child was frustrated and demonstrate a better way.
- Keep your voice soft and stay as calm as possible. As you get agitated, your child gets more upset.
If you have some techniques that have worked well for you and your child, why not share them with others. Email me and I’ll add them to the site for others.
Tantrum Tamers
This month I had some questions about temper tantrums or meltdowns. I found this article from Parenting Magazine, but couldn’t find a link for others to read it. It seemed to hit most of the points I’ve found in other places, so I’m going to quote it.
Overview of Tantrums
Little kids sure can create big scenes! No matter how sweet your child is or how good a parent you are, meltdowns are a fact of toddler life. So try to remember that your child’s tantrums aren’t a reflection of your parenting skills: They simply mean you’ve got a frustrated little kid on your hands. Here’s how to handle them without losing your cool.