H.A.L.T.

July 19, 2017 By Diane Constantine

Your children are spinning out of control. He’s crying and yelling. She’s whining and dragging her feet. The noise level is rising to painful.

It’s time to H.A.L.T. This is an acronym used in recovery programs, but it fits parenting very well. Things are harder when we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.

HALT and take a quick inventory. Is your child Hungry? Do you know why he’s Angry? Is Loneliness the problem? Is she Tired?

You cannot control every situation or always avoid your little one’s discomfort. But this little acronym, HALT, can give you a quick way to spot the problem and diffuse the emotions.

Hunger is probably the easiest one to fix. Start here and make sure everyone’s blood sugar level is up to normal. If not, a snack or meal is the next order of business.

Anger is usually quite easy to recognize. But it may take a little detective work to figure out what is the root of the anger and how to solve it. Giving a positive way to use up some of that steam can be a safety valve to prevent serious damage.

Children may not be able to tell you they are Lonely. They can be lonely even in a crowd, feeling left out or disconnected from you. Give some one-on-one time to ease this.

Tired children and tired adults get cranky. There is a reason that sleep deprivation is used as a torture strategy. As a basic biological need, human functioning quickly declines in the absence of sufficient sleep. Is it nap time? Has it been an exceptionally busy day or hot day? Some extra sleep can make all the difference.

Megan, in TheArtOfSimple.net said, “The best part of applying HALT to our parenting toolbox is knowing what is triggering undesirable behaviors in our children. Armed with that understanding, we are empowered to respond to them from a place of empathy and understanding, rather than from a place of confusion and frustration.”

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Temper Tantrums

April 9, 2014 By Diane Constantine

Here are some notes from a class I taught to moms in Hanoi. It is a good quick review of Temper Tantrums—Why and What Helps. Each child and each tantrum is a bit different. But there is some general information that will reduce the number and intensity of the tantrums.

Causes of Temper Tantrums:

9 months to 2 1/2 years – inability to communicate their needs is the most common cause.
2 1/2 to 3 1/2 years- power struggles with adults is the most common cause.
Toddlers are easily overwhelmed leading to tantrums.
Toddlers want to do more than they are capable of doing.
Toddlers do not understand delayed gratification.
Toddlers think they are the center of the universe and everyone should do as they want.

Preventing Temper Tantrums:

Keep predictable routines. Toddlers love to know what to expect next.
Have reasonable expectations for your toddler. Know what he is capable of doing.
When you see your child beginning to get frustrated, change tactics before meltdowns start.
Avoid known temper tantrum triggers
Offer two choices, but ONLY two. They feel like they have more control when they get choices. But you like what they choose because they are both things you want for them.
Give enough warning before coming changes. Some children need more lead time than others.
Teach baby sign language to use at least until they learn to speak
Give more frequent, smaller meals to keep blood sugar and moods level.
For older toddlers begin saying yes first, then the limitation (yes you can ______, but first you must _____.)

Defusing Temper Tantrums:

Distract them. This works best with younger toddlers.
Act Silly – if you can get them to laugh, they may forget what upset them.
Ignore it and go on with that you were doing. If it was just for attention, that will reduce the number and length of tantrums
Bear hug- holding them until they are calmed down. They feel secure and loved even though frustrated.
Remove them from the scene until they calm down.
Acknowledge the child was frustrated and demonstrate a better way.
Keep your voice soft and stay as calm as possible. As you get agitated, your child gets more upset.

If you have some techniques that have worked well for you and your child, why not share them with others. Email me and I’ll add them to the site for others.

Tantrum Tamers

October 4, 2011 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

This month I had some questions about temper tantrums or meltdowns. I found this article from Parenting Magazine, but couldn’t find a link for others to read it. It seemed to hit most of the points I’ve found in other places, so I’m going to quote it.

Overview of Tantrums
Little kids sure can create big scenes! No matter how sweet your child is or how good a parent you are, meltdowns are a fact of toddler life. So try to remember that your child’s tantrums aren’t a reflection of your parenting skills: They simply mean you’ve got a frustrated little kid on your hands. Here’s how to handle them without losing your cool.

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Intensity

May 25, 2011 By Diane Constantine 1 Comment

This month I am continuing with more from the book, Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. The topic is Intensity. Some of you are blessed with a calm child who rarely or never shows great intensity in their reactions. Count your blessings! Others of you have a child or children who have very intense reactions. These are the children who often throw a fit when frustrated or scream with delight. Even if you don’t have an intense child, you may be able to help a mom who does to find the key to calming her child.

In this installment we’ll look at how you can identify an on-coming tornado of emotions and how to defuse it. Knowing your own child’s cues will help you learn how to calm them and then teach your child to recognize the signs and calm themselves. As in all our parenting, the goal is to help our child learn self control.
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Classic Meltdown

January 12, 2010 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

James was meeting his brother Chris for coffee at the mall, so I gamely decided to attempt taking both boys to the Pak N Save supermarket by myself for the first time. First mistake. Imagine 4:30 on Friday afternoon at the most popular supermarket in the most popular mall in Christchurch. What was I thinking!?!?

James dropped me off and helped me put Will in the cart while I optimistically strapped Ben into the front pack– second mistake. I will never again ask my body to grocery shop with a 10 pound weight strapped to my front. (I naively thought it would only take half an hour!)

Apart from struggling to make decisions and focus on the task with Will interrupting all the time, I did pretty well. I did stretch Will’s patience though, and by the time we got to the checkout he had had it with sitting in the cart. So while I packed the groceries I lifted him out and let him ride the toys at the front “for a treat for being so good”. Third mistake. Never un-contain a rather large and strong, safely contained toddler in a public place unless you are supremely confident of being able to re-contain him.

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