Temper Tantrums

April 9, 2014 By Diane Constantine

Here are some notes from a class I taught to moms in Hanoi. It is a good quick review of Temper Tantrums—Why and What Helps. Each child and each tantrum is a bit different. But there is some general information that will reduce the number and intensity of the tantrums.

Causes of Temper Tantrums:

9 months to 2 1/2 years – inability to communicate their needs is the most common cause.
2 1/2 to 3 1/2 years- power struggles with adults is the most common cause.
Toddlers are easily overwhelmed leading to tantrums.
Toddlers want to do more than they are capable of doing.
Toddlers do not understand delayed gratification.
Toddlers think they are the center of the universe and everyone should do as they want.

Preventing Temper Tantrums:

Keep predictable routines. Toddlers love to know what to expect next.
Have reasonable expectations for your toddler. Know what he is capable of doing.
When you see your child beginning to get frustrated, change tactics before meltdowns start.
Avoid known temper tantrum triggers
Offer two choices, but ONLY two. They feel like they have more control when they get choices. But you like what they choose because they are both things you want for them.
Give enough warning before coming changes. Some children need more lead time than others.
Teach baby sign language to use at least until they learn to speak
Give more frequent, smaller meals to keep blood sugar and moods level.
For older toddlers begin saying yes first, then the limitation (yes you can ______, but first you must _____.)

Defusing Temper Tantrums:

Distract them. This works best with younger toddlers.
Act Silly – if you can get them to laugh, they may forget what upset them.
Ignore it and go on with that you were doing. If it was just for attention, that will reduce the number and length of tantrums
Bear hug- holding them until they are calmed down. They feel secure and loved even though frustrated.
Remove them from the scene until they calm down.
Acknowledge the child was frustrated and demonstrate a better way.
Keep your voice soft and stay as calm as possible. As you get agitated, your child gets more upset.

If you have some techniques that have worked well for you and your child, why not share them with others. Email me and I’ll add them to the site for others.

Tantrums!

November 25, 2012 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

Tantrum Tamers – Practical suggestions for ways to stop tantrums

Dr. Leman’s approach to Temper Tantrums

Baby Signing is an method to cut down on tantrums in pre-verbal children

Tantrum Tamers

October 4, 2011 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

This month I had some questions about temper tantrums or meltdowns. I found this article from Parenting Magazine, but couldn’t find a link for others to read it. It seemed to hit most of the points I’ve found in other places, so I’m going to quote it.

Overview of Tantrums
Little kids sure can create big scenes! No matter how sweet your child is or how good a parent you are, meltdowns are a fact of toddler life. So try to remember that your child’s tantrums aren’t a reflection of your parenting skills: They simply mean you’ve got a frustrated little kid on your hands. Here’s how to handle them without losing your cool.

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Intensity

May 25, 2011 By Diane Constantine 1 Comment

This month I am continuing with more from the book, Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. The topic is Intensity. Some of you are blessed with a calm child who rarely or never shows great intensity in their reactions. Count your blessings! Others of you have a child or children who have very intense reactions. These are the children who often throw a fit when frustrated or scream with delight. Even if you don’t have an intense child, you may be able to help a mom who does to find the key to calming her child.

In this installment we’ll look at how you can identify an on-coming tornado of emotions and how to defuse it. Knowing your own child’s cues will help you learn how to calm them and then teach your child to recognize the signs and calm themselves. As in all our parenting, the goal is to help our child learn self control.
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New Kid by Friday- part 5

May 30, 2010 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

Dr. Leman has a technique that he uses for a lot of different behavior problems. This one works particularly well when the purpose of the misbehavior is to get your attention and to control you. It goes like this: 1. Say it once. 2. Turn your back. 3. Walk away.

Telling your child more than once, he believes, just teaches your child that you think he/she is too stupid to understand you the first time. I tend to think it teaches children that they don’t have to obey until you have gotten worked up about it. That’s why counting is usually a bad idea.

Turning your back keeps your child from the reward of your attention. Children sometimes want your attention so much they don’t care if it means being punished. Not giving them attention when they are misbehaving breaks that link. Later, when they are doing well is the time to reward them with your attention.

Walking away is the hardest part of this method. When you walk away your child begins to panic, “Why isn’t mom giving me what I expect?” Dr. Leman says not to even say why you are walking away, just do it and it will result in a teachable moment.

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