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Your Child's Journey

wisdom for the big steps little children take

You are here: Home / Archives for time

The Positive Parent’s Creed

November 3, 2019 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

A parenting plan with a future

We will let our children know we love them no matter what they do.

Our children will learn that love is not earned, love is freely given.

We will be honest about our mistakes, remembering to ask our children to forgive us when we fail them or misunderstand them.

Our children will learn the value of personal honesty instead of hypocrisy.

We will give each child some individual time and attention every day.

Our children will learn that they are important to us, not a nuisance that we endure.

We will listen to our children as well as talk to them.

Our children will learn that listening to one another is one of the most loving things we can do for each other.

We will help our children develop a genuine personal faith in God.

Our children will learn, through our example, the value of a genuine faith.

We will correctly love and lovingly correct.

Our children will learn that discipline is an expression of love.

We will teach proper relationship to authority.

Our children will learn that respect for authority is the key to a successful life.

We will encourage proper independence.

Our children will develop a strong conscience.

They will learn to withstand and overcome the negative pressures around them.

Filed Under: All Ages Tagged With: relationship, talk, time

We’re LATE!

August 10, 2017 By Diane Constantine

Tension rises! We’re late! Kids dawdle! The phone rings! I stub my toe! We’re late! Move it!

Your darling child wants to tell you a long story. The sink gets stopped up and runs over. You suddenly realize you haven’t had time to . . .

How can you stop the volcano from erupting?

Take a deep breath and think. What is the worst case scenario if we are late? Will it really matter in 6 months? Will they have permanent scars for not being on time? No. No. No.

There may be some minor consequence. But is that worth being so upset? Could my shouting and irritability actually be doing more harm than our being late?

Defusing the Eruption

Slow down and deal with the obstacles one at a time?

Dial down the tension. Everyone is likely to have a better start to the day if the tension is less and a few more smiles and hugs are shared.

If you find you are always late getting out the door, you should look at how to better prepare ahead of time. Realize it takes kids longer than it does you to do most tasks.

  • So plan for more time. Choosing clothes and filling book bags can be a chore before bedtime.
  • An earlier bedtime so everyone can wake up earlier and be fully rested can make the morning easier.
  • Find some humor in the situation. A chuckle or a silly song can relieve a lot of tension.

What do you do to dial down the stress of getting out the door? Comment  here or on the Facebook post.


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Filed Under: Kid Tips Tagged With: attitudes, tension, time

Raising Good Kids Tip #1- Quality Time

August 4, 2017 By Diane Constantine

Harvard University psychologists studied what parents did who raised good kids. The conclusions they came to are mostly common sense, but often we need reminding. I will be using this study as the basis for Parent Tips from time to time.

Raising Good Kids Tip #1- Spend Quality Time with Your Children

When both parents work outside the home and children spend many of their waking hours with other adults, parents must make a conscious effort to spend quality time, regularly with their children. Just being with them, but not giving them your full attention does NOT count as quality time.

  • Quality time involves meaningful conversations. Take turns asking and answering each other’s questions. Listen carefully to what they say.
  • Do things together that they enjoy. Have fun together.
  • Read to them every day or tell stories to them from your childhood.

It takes work to develop caring, loving relationships with your kids. When they feel loved, they become attached to you. That attachment makes them more receptive to learning the values that are important to you.

Exercise: Try using the following questions as conversation starters.

  • “What was the best part of your day? The hardest part?”
  • “What did you accomplish today that you feel good about?”
  • “What’s something nice someone did for you today? What’s something nice you did?”
  • “What’s something you learned today—in school or outside of school?”

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Filed Under: Kid Tips, Kindergarten, Preschooler, Toddler Tagged With: attention, time

Dads and Their Daughters

January 3, 2017 By Diane Constantine

Dad and Daughter pictureMy dad was my hero, my confidante, and my model of what a man should be and how he should treat women. Of course I appreciated my mom. But one of the best things she did for me was allow me to have a really good relationship with my dad. She wasn’t jealous of the time and attention he gave me and my sisters. She didn’t interfere and she never criticized him to us.

So what did my dad do that was so special?

He was hands on. Oh, he left most of the bathing and dressing of his daughters to our mom. But we knew we could crawl up in his lap for a snuggle whenever he was not working. He scratched our backs and we scratched his, for coin change. While we were little enough, he’d pick us up and toss us in the air. These flying lessons tickled our tummies and always won him a big sloppy girl kiss. He taught us to ride bikes.

He paid attention to us. He never left for work or returned home without a hug and kiss for each of us. He listened to our long tales and our dreams. He knew what made us each tick. He took lots of home movies and had movie night every so often so we wouldn’t forget special times we had together.

He was a gentleman. He treated us with respect, hugged and kissed us appropriately, and never talked dirty or cursed. I knew from very young, how a man should treat a woman and never had trouble discerning the wrong intentions of boys and young men.

That sounds like he spent all his time at home. He didn’t. He worked long hours as a commercial, retouch artist. He worked downtown, so he had a daily commute. So that he could work overtime without being away from home so many hours, he set up a ‘studio’ in his bedroom with all he needed to do his job. There were very specific rules about being in that room while he worked, so we didn’t spoil many hours of tedious work with carelessness. But, he loved for me sit on his bed and talk to him about anything and everything. He’d listen carefully, though his eyes never left his drawing board. Sometimes I’d think he hadn’t heard me because he hadn’t said anything for a long time, then he’d surprise me with a question or comment that let me know he not only listened, but was ready to help me with my little problems.

He encouraged me to not be timid but to try new things. He encouraged me whenever he saw me being tender and thoughtful of others. He encouraged me to ask for forgiveness when I did wrong and to forgive others quickly.

One of my favorite memories with my dad was our twice a year lunch and shopping trip. Once I was old enough to take the bus into town, I’d meet dad for lunch near his office. He would treat me to a grown-up meal with him at a nice restaurant. Then he’d escort me to one of the big department stores for me to spend the afternoon shopping with my spending money. We’d meet at the bus stop for the ride back home together. My dad was my first date!

So, dads, what can you do to raise your daughters well?

  • Spend time with them. You cannot really know them, if you don’t spend time with them.
  • Give them your attention and approval. Knowing that you noticed and that you approve, is great motivation to keep doing well.
  • Show them appropriate affection and touch. They will know a fraud instinctively then.
  • Listen to them early and often so that they will listen to you when it really matters.
  • Build her self-esteem with honest praise for her character and her hard work and her concern for others.

I liked this quote from Dr. Meg Meeker in Lifeway Men. “Don’t think you can’t fight her “peers” or the power of pop culture. Exactly the opposite is true. Yes, the four Ms—MTV, music, movies, and magazines—are enormous influences that shape what girls think about themselves, what clothes they wear, and even the grades they get. But their influence doesn’t come close to the influence of a father. A lot of research has been done on this—and fathers always come out on top. The effects of loving, caring fathers on their daughters’ lives can be measured in girls of all ages.”

Even if you are not the biological father of the girls you are raising, your influence is great on their development and character.


There are many articles on the internet about Dads and their daughters, but I like these three the best.

  • Read Justin Ricklefs’ article written from the dad’s point of view: 15 Things All Dads of Daughters Should Know
  • Laurie Hollman’s article: Dad’s Guide to Raising Daughters: Infancy to Adolescence
  • Dr. Meg Meeker’s article: Why Daughters Need Their Dads

Another article on Your Child’s Journey about Dads:

  • How Important Is Dad?

 

 

Filed Under: All Ages Tagged With: dad, daughter, model, parenting, time

What Kids Want Most

May 4, 2016 By Diane Constantine

Please take a minute or two to watch the short video. It is eye-opening!

Who would you most like to eat dinner with?

Did it surprise you as much as it did me? Research shows that as long as a child’s basic needs for food, clothing, shelter, and safety are provided, children want and need most the love and attention of their parents.

Kate Schweitzer says, “What your little one really wants is something that doesn’t cost you a cent but is perhaps more difficult to provide than anything you can put on your credit card — it’s your time. Between long hours at work, endless chores, and the allure of digital distractions, what should be the easiest thing to give is, these days, the most difficult.”

Becky Mansfield at YourModernFamily.com said many of the children in her study wanted their parents to be less stressed and less tired. I think that is getting closer to the root of the problem.

All of us love our children and want to give them our attention. But! That takes time and planning and concentration.

When we have spent the day at a busy job, we’re tired and stressed. We don’t give our best attention when we are exhausted. Getting home, fixing dinner, making sure everyone has what they need for tomorrow makes us less gentle and patient with our kids.

Becky had some very practical tips to help us be less stressed and more able to give the time and attention our kids want. Here are some of her suggestions:

  • Get on a schedule. This takes some of the stress out of your day because you know what you need to do.
  • Have your kids help with your chores. This lessens your load and teaches them valuable lessons.
  • Get everything ready the night before to make mornings less hectic. Get a better start to your day.
  • Limit your “online” time. If everyone limits their online time, there is more time to share together.
  • Simplify your laundry and cooking chores. Get everyone involved to streamline the process.
  • Laugh! Find ways to have FUN with your family.

Read more from Becky on What do kids want most from their parents?

Filed Under: Kindergarten, Next Steps, Preschooler Tagged With: attention, time

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