When was the last time you had time alone with your spouse? For some of my readers, you conscientiously carve out some time every day alone with your spouse. But honestly, if you do, you’re a rare breed! Most couples in the Klang Valley and in any urban area, find it very difficult to have any time alone with their spouse.
First you are both working outside your home. That means being away from each other during the work day plus the commute to and from work. Since you are not home, most of you have to collect your children from a child minder. Then everyone arrives home tired and hungry. By the time everyone is fed, there is precious little time to spend with the children before they should be in bed. Depending on how you get your children to sleep, that may mean one or the other of you is lying down and there isn’t any more time to spend together.
If you try to keep this up, day in and day out, you will very quickly find your marriage is unsatisfying. Parenting is for the long haul. If you don’t take care of your relationship now, while your children are little, you won’t have a relationship when your children are ready to leave home.
You must find a way to spend at least 20 minutes a day to share with your spouse something from your day. (Don’t use it to try to solve any issues! Just share your life.) Hold hands or cuddle while you talk. Stay focused on each other. This can be a lifeline for your relationship.
Once you have been able to get into this pattern, find a way to have a “date” at least once a month. This does not mean an expensive night out, but it does mean away from the children and other responsibilities.
You will have to have someone else watch your children for you. Perhaps you can swap date nights with another couple who have children too. Sometimes there is an older single friend who would love to have time with a baby or small children in exchange for a home cooked meal with your family at another time. Grandparents often are craving some time with the grand-kids and would be happy to watch them for a couple hours for you to have a date. You may have to be creative, but it is worth the effort!
I would really like your feedback. How do you manage time alone with your spouse? What works and what doesn’t work?