A Better Way to Stop Lying

July 10, 2014 By Diane Constantine

Do stories like Pinocchio really keep our kids from lying?

One of the key ways parents teach their children right from wrong is through stories. Part of the continued popularity of Aesop’s Fables, which date all the way back to the fifth century BC, is that they’re an effective tool for instilling morals and values in our kids. Right?

Well, it depends, according to a new study.

The research, which was recently published in the journal Psychological Science, looked at the effectiveness of moral tales to encourage young children to tell the truth.

The results demonstrate that stories focusing on the negative consequences of lying — such as your nose growing longer and longer with each fib — are a lot less successful at molding honest children than stories that praise a character for choosing to tell the truth.

The experiment involved a researcher giving a child aged 3 to 7 a temptation too good to resist: Telling said child not to look at a toy and then leaving him/her alone in the room. Not surprisingly, most of the kiddos looked at the toy.

Upon returning to the room, the researcher read the child one of four morality-themed tales — two of which associate lying with negative consequences (Pinocchio and The Boy Who Cried Wolf), one of which involves a character being praised for his honesty (George Washington and the Cherry Tree), and one of which is totally unrelated to the topic of truth-telling (The Tortoise and the Hare). Researchers then analyzed which of the kids confessed to looking at the toy and which didn’t.

The result? The fables involving significant negative consequences for lying, i.e. public humiliation via of an ever-elongating schnoz and death via a wolf’s jaws, were no better at encouraging honesty than the story that didn’t mention deceit at all.

The only tale that inspired the kids to confess to peeking at the toy was the one in which the future first president fesses up — ”I cannot tell a lie” — and is subsequently praised by his dad for telling the truth. Children who were told this story were three times more likely to be honest than those who had heard the other fables.

The takeaway for us parents trying to raise honorable kids is that emphasizing the positive results of truth-telling is far more effective than highlighting the negative consequences of lying.

While scolding them for their transgressions is often necessary, commending their good behavior makes an even stronger impression. The satisfaction of being praised far outweighs the fear of being reprimanded.

Although I wouldn’t expect “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire” to become “Say What’s True and We’ll Thank You!” anytime soon.

by Katie Markey McLaughlin is a freelance writer and blogger who believes that moms can do anything, but not everything. Her blog Pick Any Two encourages all of us to set priorities without apology or guilt.

Another good article on lying is Turning Lies into Lemonade from A Fine Parent web site.

What Nutrition?

July 3, 2014 By Diane Constantine

As our children grow we may worry about whether they are getting the right kind of nutrition. We knew exactly what our children were eating when we were the only one feeding them. But soon, too soon, they discover fast food.

Is fast food OK for our kids?

When our time and strength are limited, it is easy to wheel into McDonalds for a quick bite. But here’s some food for thought.

It’s extremely difficult to eat in a healthy way at any fast food restaurant. The fats, sugar, and salt in fast food draw kids like a magnet, largely because they appeal to a child’s “primordial tastes,” explains Shanthy A. Bowman, PhD.

Because fast food doesn’t contain much fiber, kids don’t feel full afterward — so they eat more later. So it is not just what they eat at that meal, but what they eat the rest of the day that is a concern. It is easy to go above the appropriate calorie intake and fall way short of nutrition on days they eat fast food.

An occasional fast food meal is OK, but more home-cooked, family meals with better nutrition will go a long way to helping your children learn healthy eating habits for a life-time.

Should we hide veggies so kids will eat more of them?

There are two opposite ideas about getting kids to eat more veggies. One says we should make them more attractive so kids will want to eat them and the other says to hide them in foods they already like. After some research, here’s my take. If our kids won’t eat canned peas or slimy boiled spinach, making our veggies more attractive could help a lot! Providing veggies with crunch, cut up to eat as finger food, served with nutritious dips, and in a variety of colors will appeal to most kids.

But when the nutritious food just won’t be eaten by our kid no matter how nicely it is served, it’s time to become more creative. Packing whole grains, yogurt, veggies, and eggs into foods they love like pastas, soups, and smoothies makes good sense.

Penn State researcher Barbara Rolls, PhD found that adding pureed vegetables to favorite foods led 3- to 6-year-olds to consume almost twice as many vegetables (and 11 percent fewer calories) over the course of a day. “I think it’s really important for children to know what vegetables and other ingredients are in their food; that helps them learn about the many forms in which vegetables can be eaten and how vegetables served in different forms can taste different.” Never lie about the ingredients. When your child asks what is in the food, answer honestly so he will trust what you say about food.

Exposing children to a variety of nutritious foods that are minimally processed, serving foods in appropriate portions, and limiting nutrient-poor foods are small steps we can take to help our children learn to appreciate the tastes, textures and flavors of healthful foods. It may also reduce the likelihood they’ll get hooked on less healthy options.

Getting children to help plan, buy, and prepare food helps them develop an interest in eating wholesome food. Talking about the color, texture, and value of different nutrients gives our kids more reason to enjoy food that it good for them.

Healthy Snack Ideas
To help you find additional ways to get more nutrition into your kids, see our Kid Friendly recipes section of Your Child’s Journey.

Here are some ideas for quick to prepare, nutritious snacks that may interest even the pickiest eaters.

Peanut butter and jelly on rice cakes or rye crackers, banana bread, sweet potato muffins, or oatmeal cookies with raisins, cranberries or nuts
Whole grain tortilla roll ups with cheese, chopped veggies, beans, or left over chicken
Hard boiled eggs and cheese slices or cubes. Baked sweet potato chips- no salt necessary
Hummus (chickpea paste), guacamole, or salsa with cut up veggies or salt-free crackers to dip
Snack mix made with popcorn, nuts, pretzels and dried fruit
Whole grain waffles with peanut butter or low-fat cream cheese and jelly or raisins on top
Yogurt and cut fruit or juice frozen into popsicles or blended into smoothies
A small cup of frozen fruit

Please: write in if you have other questions about or suggestions for nutritious, fun food for kids.

What a Difference a Mom Makes

July 1, 2014 By Diane Constantine

Some time ago I bought Dr. Kevin Leman’s book, What a Difference a Mom Makes, the indelible imprint a mom leaves on her son’s life. There is so much in the book that will help moms raise their sons to be the kind of men she can be proud of.

He summarizes 10 of his main points in the following excerpt:

The Top 10 Countdown to Being an Awesome Mom

10. Remember, he’s a boy, not a girl.

9. I know he’s adorable, but he needs to be held accountable.

8. Don’t always pay attention to how he looks; pay more attention to his heart.

7. How you handle his failures is more important than how you handle his victories.

6. No two children in a family should be treated the same, because they’re not the same—including your boy.

5. Remember that your boy will only stay weird for about 15 years.

4. He’s the wavy line—all over the place. You need to be the consistent one.

3. Start with the end in mind. Who do you want your son to be?

2. You don’t get to relive moments. Make every day count.

1. Many have tried, and no one’s succeeded—you can’t do it all. But what you do will make a lasting difference in the life of your son.

Here are a few action points to help you in raising your son:

1. Make your home a place of connection.
A place of unconditional acceptance. . .
with a sense of belonging. . .
and the knowledge that you consider him competent and capable.

2. Teach him to be kind and courteous, and you’ll heap blessings on his head.

3. Be loving and consistent in your discipline.

4. Present age-appropriate choices.

5. Hold your child accountable for his actions.

6. Let reality be the teacher.

Whether or not you have a son, I hope you have seen some things that you want to incorporate in your parenting style. All kids can benefit from these good approaches to parenting.