Your Child's Journey

wisdom for the big steps little children take

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TV and Electronic Gadgets in Kid’s Bedroom

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I just read a really disturbing article in Great Schools.org. Great Schools is a very reputable site concerned with giving kids the best possible start in life. I would really like every parent to read this and heed the warning! Here are the highlights:

Is there a TV in your child’s room?

Research shows having a boob tube in your kiddo’s bedroom can be far more damaging than we ever knew.
By Jessica Kelmon

  • The average person will watch nine years of TV. Nine. Years.
  • And it starts early. The average American youth spends roughly 900 hours in school each year — and about 1,200 hours a year watching TV. (To do the math: 1,200 hours is 150 school days.)
  • In one study, kids ages 4 to 6 were asked whether they’d like to spend time with their dad or watch TV — 54 percent of them picked pixels over pops.
  • An estimated 71 percent of American kids ages 8 to 18 have a TV in their room. One study found 70 percent of third graders had bedside boob tubes.
  • Here’s the really bad news: researchers followed the kids and their parents two and four years later and discovered a TV in your bedroom is linked with both being overweight and continuing to gain weight. Two years in, kids with TVs in their rooms reported higher BMIs. After two more years, their BMIs had grown again. What’s particularly noteworthy is that obesity isn’t linked isn’t to the hours of TV being watched. It’s to the presence of the TV in their room. . .Certainly, having a TV in a child’s bedroom sets kids up to be sedentary and isolated — choosing, day after day and hour after hour, to be alone and immobile — an unhealthy way of life for any child.
  • Kids with TVs in their rooms read less, score lower on tests in school, tend to have sleep issues, and may be more likely to smoke in adolescence.
  • In 2011, 8 percent of all families had iPads; in 2013, that figure was 40 percent, according to Common Sense Media. What’s more, as of 2013, 75 percent of children 8 years old and younger have access to a smartphone or a tablet. All of these findings add up to the fact that it’s never been easier — TV or no TV — for children to be transfixed by endless hours of videos on YouTube, TV shows on Hulu, and movies on Netflix from the comfort of their rooms.

You may download a pdf version of the complete article here: Is There a TV in Your Child’s Bedroom?

Is My Child Normal?

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Are you afraid your child isn’t normal? Just about every parent has this fear at one time or another. The media reports huge increases in autism rates. There are more and more children being diagnosed with mental disorders like bipolar disorder. Then there’s the preschool and kindergarten teachers telling parents their boys are hyperactive. So what is a parent to do?

I’m going to give you some common sense considerations to help you decide if there is need for intervention.

1. When looking at the benchmarks for development, is your child young or past the average age for that skill? For example, a baby usually learns to sit unsupported between 4 and 9 months. If your baby is not sitting unsupported at 6 months, this is not a sign of possible developmental delay. If however, he is 10 months and still not sitting well, then you should let your pediatrician know and seek further evaluations. Also, if your baby was premature or has had serious medical conditions in the first months of life, he may lag behind developmentally for as long a year and not be considered delayed.

[Read more…]

Temper Tantrums

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Here are some notes from a class I taught to moms in  Hanoi. It is a good quick review of Temper Tantrums—Why and What Helps. Each child and each tantrum is a bit different. But there is some general information that will reduce the number and intensity of the tantrums.

Causes of Temper Tantrums:

  • 9 months to 2 1/2 years – inability to communicate their needs is the most common cause.
  • 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 years- power struggles with adults is the most common cause.
  • Toddlers are easily overwhelmed leading to tantrums.
  • Toddlers want to do more than they are capable of doing.
  • Toddlers do not understand delayed gratification.
  • Toddlers think they are the center of the universe and everyone should do as they want.

Preventing Temper Tantrums:

  • Keep predictable routines. Toddlers love to know what to expect next.
  • Have reasonable expectations for your toddler. Know what he is capable of doing.
  • When you see your child beginning to get frustrated, change tactics before meltdowns start.
  • Avoid known temper tantrum triggers
  • Offer two choices, but ONLY two. They feel like they have more control when they get choices. But you like what they choose because they are both things you want for them.
  • Give enough warning before coming changes. Some children need more lead time than others.
  • Teach baby sign language to use at least until they learn to speak
  • Give more frequent, smaller meals to keep blood sugar and moods level.
  • For older toddlers begin saying yes first, then the limitation (yes you can ______, but first you must _____.)

Defusing Temper Tantrums:

  • Distract them. This works best with younger toddlers.
  • Act Silly – if you can get them to laugh, they may forget what upset them.
  • Ignore it and go on with that you were doing. If it was just for attention, that will reduce the number and length of tantrums
  • Bear hug- holding them until they are calmed down. They feel secure and loved even though frustrated.
  • Remove them from the scene until they calm down.
  • Acknowledge the child was frustrated and demonstrate a better way.
  • Keep your voice soft and stay as calm as possible. As you get agitated, your child gets more upset.

If you have some techniques that have worked well for you and your child, why not share them with others. Email me and I’ll add them to the site for others.

How to Raise Honest Kids

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All kids lie at some point or another, and we can’t always tell when they’re doing it (those little buggers). There are two things, however, you can say to your children to get them to be honest.

Eric Barker cites findings from NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children, which says that children (at least young ones) lie to try to please you or make you happy. So the first strategy to getting the truth out of them is to tell them you’ll be really happy if they tell you the truth:

What really works is to tell the child, “I will not be upset with you if you peeked, and if you tell the truth, I will be really happy.” This is an offer of both immunity and a clear route back to good standing. Talwar explained this latest finding: “Young kids are lying to make you happy—trying to please you.” So telling kids that the truth will make a parent happy challenges the kid’s original thought that hearing good news—not the truth—is what will please the parent.

The second thing to say can cut down lying by 25%: “I’m about to ask you a question. But before I do that, will you promise to tell the truth?” (Hopefully the kid will say “yes.”)

Check out the full post on Barking Up the Wrong Tree for more parenting tips and tricks.