Your Child's Journey

wisdom for the big steps little children take

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Tummy Time

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You’ve probably heard about tummy time for babies. The reason it is now an issue is that most parents place their baby on its back to sleep due to the decrease in SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) in this position. This trend has led to a great increase in children with delayed motor development. Now parents must make an effort to provide tummy time.

I hope to give you some compelling reasons to make tummy time happen and also some ways to make it more enjoyable for both you and your baby.

There are milestones in your baby’s development related to tummy time. Without tummy time, some of these milestones won’t be reached or will only develop much later. So it is worth making tummy time a priority.

Start tummy time in the first week of life. Babies who have tummy time from birth onwards, tolerate it much better later on. It is a very natural position for newborns and helps them begin to stretch out after months in the womb. (Don’t worry about the umbilical cord. In the first two weeks of life, the time before the umbilical cord falls off, babies pull the knees up and rest on their forearms. They won’t rub the umbilical cord.) Lying tummy down on Dad’s chest is a great for both Dad and baby. Dad gets a great boost of bonding hormones and baby gets time and attention from Dad as well as tummy time. You may also burp baby belly down across your knees.

What happens during the first two months? Baby bobs his head up briefly to about 45 degrees. He can turn his head to place the opposite cheek down. Arms and legs straighten out and press down and lift the top of the chest up a little. The most important development during this time is that baby lifts its head to turn from side to side. This is the first time the two sides of the body coordinate together to accomplish a task. To make tummy time more comfortable, use a pillow to support your baby’s chest and shoulders. To make it more fun, you can lie on the floor next to baby while talking and rubbing her. This can be an enjoyable rest for both of you.

At three months, she can hold her head up without bobbing. She will lift her head to look both directions. She can lift her shoulders and the top of her chest while pressing down with her forearms. She may roll from belly to side if she lifts her head too far. During this month her sense of balance and vision begin to coordinate. Your baby will enjoy having different things to look at when turning her head from side to side. Keep it interesting to look both ways. She will benefit by having 30-60 minutes of tummy time each day now. No need to make it all at one time, break it into enjoyable sessions.

At four months, he lifts his head steadily to 90 degrees. He not only lifts his upper chest while pressing down with his forearms, but he will stay like this to play with something interesting. Try squishy balls, stuffed animals and sensory bean bags. He will really enjoy ‘flying’ on your feet as you lie on your back and hold him up with your feet and by his chest. Babies who have more than an hour of tummy time at four months, have been shown to reach their milestones faster than those who spend less time on their tummy.

At five months, he will begin to push his chest off the surface with straight arms. In the next few months he will begin bearing his weight on his open hands to the floor. He may begin intentionally rolling from belly to side. Don’t worry if he has less and less tummy time, as long as you are giving him plenty of floor time to continue to develop his muscles for crawling and eventually walking.

For more links about Tummy Time and other Baby topics see: Babies- Sleep, Eat, Awake

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Want Teens Who Will Talk to You?

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If you want teens who will talk to you, you must learn to listen to them when they are little.

Little children want to tell you what they are thinking about. It may be hard to pay attention to one of their long stories. But setting aside something else to listen fully, shows them they are important to you. Many times, I found, if I paid attention when they wanted to talk, they would be content to play on their own for longer. If I was distracted or cut them off quickly, they would get my attention by getting into mischief. Your attention means the world to them.

Knowing you will listen, builds trust so they will tell you what they are thinking as they grow older. Listen for their response to what they are talking about. Take the time to ask some questions that give you a window into their world.

The table is where we become people in a relationship. Make your table a fun place to talk, as well as eat.

Watch for more tips on raising kids who will talk to you when they are teens.

 

 

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Playing Together

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In an earlier article, we talked about Mom and Dad During Pregnancy. We discussed the attitudes and assumptions moms and dads may have about pregnancy, birth, and childrearing. It included an exercise to help couples discuss the pregnancy, their expectations of parenting roles, fears and plans for delivery and bringing baby home.

Co-parenting begins in pregnancy. During pregnancy, the couple should make it a priority to grow their friendship. Make time every day for meaningful talk, learning more about each other, and practice thoughtfulness. This builds a strong foundation to withstand the stressful weeks after baby’s arrival. Those who do best during the early days with baby have a high level of comfort in sharing hopes, fears, and needs.

In my article on Bonding and Brain Chemicals, we see that parents who spend time together and are involved in the preparation, as well as the delivery of their baby, are helped along by their brain chemicals in the bonding process with baby. We are designed so that mom, dad, and baby bond into a caring, nurturing family.

The Gottman Institute studied over 150 parents before and after their first child. Almost two-thirds reported heightened conflict, relationship disappointment, and hurt feelings post-baby. These were the Disasters. What were the Masters doing to make their marriages satisfying while adjusting to parenthood?

The Masters were intentional about their rituals of connection. Last month we talked about establishing rituals in the article: The Positive Point of View. Parenting together is more than just playing together. A good place to start is to develop a morning routine of feeding, playing, and taking care of the baby together. Later every day, spend time unwinding and connecting with each other’s worlds. Make some special plans for a family outing on the weekends. Don’t slip into only doing what is necessary to survive, but find ways to make each other feel special and important to the family. No need to spend a lot of money or use huge amounts of time or energy. These connections just must be important to each member.

How do you play with your baby together?

Mom, dad, and baby need to have time together every day to play. Find a time when baby is awake and comfortable and mom and dad can be fully present.

Both parents should be equally included in the game they are playing with baby. Neither should withdraw from the game and neither should take over or prevent the other from playing. It is meant to be a fun time for all. One parent may start the game, but invites the other parent and makes room in the game for him or her.

Both parents need to be paying equal attention to the game and to baby. Put your phones and work away and turn off the TV. When baby tires of one game, start another. It can be a simple as smiling and making some nonsense sounds. As baby matures, the games can become songs with motions. Whatever you enjoy doing together can be the game.

Babies as young as three months are able to understand the game includes both parents. When the play is not coordinated, parents become competitive and dissatisfied with the game. The baby becomes confused and over stimulated.

Both parents should be equally emotionally involved in the game. Watch baby’s reaction and show a similar emotional reaction to the play. This means if the game fails, both parents are equally empathetic with the baby. If baby gets over-stimulated, both parents stop the play and allow baby to recover. Play is only restarted when baby looks at the parents with interest in play again. If you need a refresher on over-stimulation, see Turning Towards Our Child.

Supporting one another in co-parenting

We need to be supportive of one another. Some days it will be harder to find the time to play together. Some days we just feel grumpy and out of sorts. It is days like this that we need to encourage each other to take the time to play. We’ll all feel better for the effort.

We need to continue to appreciate the efforts each one is putting into the whole parenting role. Be thankful for anything your spouse does to include you and baby together.

Moms and dads make mistakes with baby. They may overstimulate or miss cues for help. We need to allow our mates to make mistakes. Don’t ridicule or scold, instead help them recover. This will be a lifelong process, so it’s good to start early. We all make parenting mistakes. Our children will survive, especially if we are parenting as a team.

Together celebrate the successes with baby. Each tiny step brings so much joy especially when we are experiencing these times together. Even when your spouse wasn’t there when baby did some new, amazing thing, be sure to share and wait for the time it is repeated for your spouse to see too.

As your baby grows to a boy or girl, keep parenting together. Find ways to interact together every day. Make dinner time a time to see into your child’s heart. Don’t use it for correcting or scolding. Include your child in as many of your activities as possible. Tell them how much you love them. You only have a few short years to lay the foundation for their successful life. Don’t waste it.

Time for Some Practice

Plan and set aside some time each day to play with your baby or child together.

One parent begins a game. This can be anything your baby or child likes to do with you. Parents take turns playing with your baby or child while the other looks on. When your baby or child is no longer interested in that activity, the other parent should initiate a different game or activity. With older children, one may read a book and then the other lead the family in singing some favorite songs. But do it all together.

Pay close attention to your baby or child’s reactions. Is he smiling and interested? Has she turned away or begun to push away from the activity? Try to predict how long they are interested. End play while everyone is still smiling and feeling content.

If your baby or child has gotten over stimulated, see if you can identify at what point they lost interest or showed they didn’t like the play. How did you both respond? How did your baby or child self soothe? Were you able to play any more after soothing or did you need to begin the bedtime routine or other activity?

Take a few minutes to talk about the play time. This will help you plan future times to enjoy together as a family.

The next lesson in the Parenting Together section is: Affirm Your Child

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Reading Baby’s Face

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Since Baby cannot talk, it can be very hard to figure out what they need or want.

For a little help in reading your baby’s face, take a look at these babies and see if you guess right about what they are trying to say.

See whether their eyebrows are raised or lowered or pinched together. Is their nose wrinkled or not? Is their mouth open or the corners turned down?

Have some fun and maybe learn a little bit more about what your baby is trying to tell you.

Baby Emotions

Stop Interrupting

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You are talking to your friend and your child bursts between the two of you talking loudly.

Want to stop this behavior? Try this silent, but effective way to stop this annoyance.

Explain to your child that you want to give them your full attention. But since it is rude to interrupt when others are talking, you are going to use a silent signal. Here’s how it works.

A parent and friend are talking. Child enters the room quietly. He places his hand on his parent’s hand. This means, “I have something I want to say to you.” The parent places their hand over the child’s hand. This means, “I know you want to talk and I will listen to you as soon as I can.” As soon as possible, the parent politely pauses talking to their friend and pays full attention to the child.

This is so gentle and respectful to both adults and child. It will take a little practice. If the child gets impatient or forgets to wait, just gently tap their hand again as a reminder. Remember that consistency is the best way to build a new habit.