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Your Child's Journey

wisdom for the big steps little children take

As Long as the Baby is Healthy

July 30, 2015 By Diane Constantine

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How many times have you used an automatic response only to wish you could grab it back or blow it away before it could be heard? Or, on the other hand, how many times has someone responded automatically to you and you cringe, not able to say what you really feel?

I just read an insightful article that illustrates my point. Please take a few minutes to read, As Long as the Baby is Healthy…But What if He’s Not?

Micha Boyett, told the story of her third pregnancy. She and her husband had received the prenatal diagnosis that the baby she was carrying was Down syndrome. They shared this news with their family and close friends.

But like any parents in a similar situation, they struggled with their fears. They didn’t know the depth of his medical issues or the long-lasting effects on their other boys and their future plans. However, there was no visible difference between this pregnancy and her others.

So she was confronted over and over again with the well-meaning questions of total strangers. “How’s the pregnancy going?” they asked. “Is everything healthy?” She didn’t want to lie, but she also didn’t want to tell them the truth.

She writes, “Of course we always say to strangers the easiest thing. I understand that. We all crave ease, pleasure. The cuter the better. The least amount of struggle, the happier. We ask if the pregnancy is healthy expecting smiles and head nods because it’s too scary to admit that sometimes pregnancies are not.”

How many times did she hear, “Well, all that matters is that he’s healthy, right?” Yet she knew her baby was not what others would consider healthy.

I was so touched by her conclusions:

“All of us who are parents will suffer, whether that is early in our baby’s life or later. Loving always brings pain, whatever we say to one another, however we strive to cover our fears with easy words.”

“What matters is how we receive each other. How we receive the ones we’ve been given to love. I receive this, Lord. I receive him. I receive my child.”

“What matters is how we love.”

Now I’m thinking of some other automatic responses.

  • “Well, at least you have two other healthy boys.”  (minimizing the problems)
  • “You shouldn’t have gotten pregnant after you turned 35.” (judging)
  • “We need to rejoice in all circumstances.” (moralizing)
  • “What are you going to do about it?” (scrutinizing)
  • Or the worst of all, “I just remembered I have an appointment in a few minutes.” (vaporizing)

Do you care to add some of the automatic responses you have used or had used on you? Email: diane

As friends and believers there are some things we can do and say.

  • We can sit and listen while they pour out their heart.
  • We can offer specific help. “I’d like to pick up your sons from preschool and take them out to the park for a romp. Is today good?” or ”I’m on my way to the grocery. What can I pick up for you?”
  • We can stay in touch. Pray, call, visit, or send short encouraging messages.

I’m going to make a more concerted effort to listen before I respond, to let my love and care show instead of dispensing my pat replies. How about you?


You might also like to read What to Expect When Your Baby is Born with a Disability

 

Filed Under: All Ages Tagged With: Down Syndrome, healthy

Pregnancy Q&A

July 1, 2015 By Diane Constantine

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My husband came across this Q & A. I couldn’t find the original source for it and you may have already seen it, but it tickled my funny bone. Since laughter is a good medicine, have a small dose today.

Pregnancy Q&A

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q.What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A. Childbirth.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A. So what’s your question?

Q. My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.

I’d love to add to this list. If you have some of your own, please send them to me so I can pass them along.  Email your comments

Have at least one good belly laugh today!

Filed Under: All Ages Tagged With: humor, pregnancy

Importance of Strong Foundations

April 1, 2015 By Diane Constantine

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This article was written by: Amanda Morgan. Please visit her site to read more of this article and see others she has written at: NotJustCute.com

Why Early Learning Matters!

Passionate about early education and child development, I find foundations to be particularly interesting.  Their function is critical. They’re carefully designed, prepared, inspected, formed, poured, reinforced, inspected again, sealed….. and then, after all of that, almost totally covered back up with dirt.

I am anxious to see a home standing in that spot of dirt. Not lines of cement. I want a home I can cook in, sleep in, gather in, live in. And I’d love to see that home spring up right now.

But not so much that I’d skip building the foundation.

The foundation is what keeps us firmly planted. A house doesn’t just sit on the foundation, it’s securely attached. Every 18 inches around the perimeter of the house there’s a large bolt embedded in the cement that affixes to the floor of the house.  In addition to that, there are multiple steel straps, each of them several feet long, that are also embedded in the cement foundation and later attached to the walls of the house with an almost ridiculous number of fasteners.

All of this connection keeps the home safe when the wind and rain come (and boy do they come!) or should an earthquake ever surface.

Like the foundation for our homes, the early years of a child’s development are a critical time of preparation.

The tasks of early development are often unseen or unrecognized by others. More commonly identified as play, this work of singing, climbing, running, pretending, painting, talking, and listening, is more powerful than its simplicity implies. Each activity is laying the foundation for future learning.

Children singing songs and listening to stories are building critical pre-reading skills — skills that are not just nice, but necessary for them to become readers. Little fingers lining up cars on a mat are building the fine motor skills that will allow them later to hold pencils and master keystrokes. At the same time, this play-work is also helping them build concepts of numeracy, such as a one-to-one ratio as they move cars one by one, or the ability to sort by attributes as red cars and blue cars find separate parking lots, or the ability to compare quantities as they realize their friends have more or less cars piled up than do they. All of these skills need practice and hands-on construction before we introduce the later math concepts that often play out on grade-school worksheets.

In addition to all of that, this foundation of play and exploration prepares children with the gifts of wonder and social problem-solving. These are gifts that are built through experience, not by lecture. And it is these gifts that open the door to all later learning.

Those unable to see the foundation of early learning for what it is are often eager to plop something down that’s more rewarding.  Just as I may be happy to skip right to the home I can see, they want to go directly to the seen skills like reading rather than pre-literacy skills and mathematical computations instead of early numeracy. This is the learning that “counts”, after all.

But just as our framers needed the assurance of a well-prepared foundation, our young children need a solid, deep foundation in hands-on exploration and play to prepare them for later skills.  As I’ve said before, watching a child take words from a page and turn them into a spoken story is magical to watch — like seeing a house come up where there was once nothing — but before you can put the work and effort into decoding, you have to build the foundation with things like language, phonemic awareness, and  concepts of print.

As literacy experts, Irene Fountas and Gay Su Pinnell, stated in their book, Literacy Beginnings: A Prekindergarten Handbook:

“The knowledge that forms the foundation for reading and writing is built throughout early childhood through play, language, and literary experiences.”

Learning foundations are built through play and experience. And we can’t afford to skip that.  A push-down curriculum isn’t helping kids to get ahead, it’s simply ignoring the critical role of the foundation.

The metal straps and bolts of the foundation secure our home and keep it firm in the face of storms and tremors, and a strong foundation does the same for our young learners. A lack of foundational skills weakens our learners as they move on to more and more challenging work. Often, those who struggle in later grades with reading, do so because they lack foundational skills that begin early on like phonemic awareness or story comprehension. Math woes begin when we fail to start with a foundation of number sense and numeracy through hands-on activities.   (The Number Bag is one of my favorite techniques to use in the preK classroom.)

Those straps and bolts are also a reminder that a house isn’t built in independent levels. There’s an interconnection. The house isn’t just set down onto the foundation, it grows out of it. Likewise, strong foundational learning gives root to later learning as basic concepts create connections necessary for inquiry and growth.

When children are allowed the time and space to build strong foundations, the skills built later on come more easily and solidly.  We owe children the opportunity to build strong foundations in ways that are developmentally appropriate. Let’s reject the notion that we have to leave childhood behind in order to get ahead.  Let’s be builders.

Filed Under: Preschooler, Toddler Tagged With: early learning, foundations

What is an Intense Child?

March 26, 2015 By Diane Constantine

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This is one of a series of articles from RaisingLifeLongLearners.com. If this article describes your child, please go to Coleen Kessler’s site to read the whole series or sign up for her weekly newsletter.

If you have an intense child, you probably know it. Call them spirited, emotionally intense, difficult, high needs, or challenging…it doesn’t matter.

You know them and you’re tired. And defeated. And sure you’re doing everything all wrong because those parenting books other parents swear by just don’t work for you.

The intense child is more – more emotional, more energetic, more sensitive, more empathetic, more focused, more distracted, more, more, more – than other children.

Characteristics of an Intense Child

If you’re still struggling to determine whether your child is intense or just ill-behaved like everyone seems to think, take a few minutes to look through these characteristics. Do you see your child described? You’re probably dealing with an emotionally intense kiddo that just needs a different parenting approach. Let’s problem solve together.

An intense child is:

[Read more…]

Filed Under: All Ages Tagged With: intense, spirited

A Handful of Fun

March 26, 2015 By Diane Constantine

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Why Sensory Play is Important for Preschoolers

This article is by Amanda Morgan. She has her masters degree in early childhood development and trains parents and teachers. But she also is a mom with four sons who teach her something new every day. Please stop by her site:  www.notjustcute.com.  You can also sign up for her monthly newsletter.

Think of your average preschooler. How long has this child been proficient with language? Depending on the age, the child may not really be too proficient yet!  Others seem to have been talking non-stop since 2 1/2, but that means they’ve been talking now for all of…..about a year! Now think of how long these children have been seeing, smelling, hearing, feeling, and tasting.  Their whole lives! Children are wired to receive and utilize sensory input from day one. This is why children will dive in hands first, exploring a new substance. The senses are their most familiar, most basic way to explore, process, and come to understand new information.

This is why we must allow young children to learn through experience, not just lecture. These children need to use their senses and be engaged in meaningful experiences. As we talk with them about what they are observing and sensing, we give them new language tools to connect with these more familiar sensory tools, building language as well as supporting cognitive concepts specific to the experience.

Now, the flip side to this equation is important to remember as well. Just as children learn through their senses, they also are developing the ability to use those senses and are building the neurological pathways associated with each one. With added sensory experiences, combined with the scaffolding of adults and peers, children become more perceptive. Their sensory intake and processing becomes more acute. As they are better able to use their senses, they are then better able to learn through their senses.

Sensory play is really part of the scientific process. Whether out loud or within the internal dialogue of the mind, children have developed a question, leading them to investigate-by grabbing, smelling, listening, rubbing, staring, licking , what have you! They are using their senses to collect data and from that, attempt to answer their own questions. Whether or not young children are always able to verbally communicate this process, it is still a valid exercise in scientific inquiry.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Preschooler, Toddler Tagged With: learning, play, sensory

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