Your Child's Journey

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A Culture of Accountability

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I read the following article this week and wanted to share it with you. I know that some of you have very tiny babies and children too young to practice accountability. Perhaps as parents, you can begin to practice staying accountable for your own actions. Then when your child is old enough to understand this, they will already have role models to follow.

Many of us have the habit of shifting the blame for our mistakes or behavior. Or perhaps we don’t know how to take responsibility and make necessary changes. As Christians, we know we should be humble and ask for forgiveness and make amends. We should also readily forgive others.

There is an epidemic of selfishness and rudeness today. Let’s do our part to raise children who will not buy into that behavior.

How to Create a Culture of Accountability in Your Home

By Megan Devine, LCPC

Have you ever wondered what it means to hold your child accountable? It’s an excellent question and one that we receive often during online parent coaching.

[Read more…]

A Sampling Period

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There were two professional athletes. One started learning his game at the age of 7 months and beat his own dad at the age of 8. This was Tiger Woods.

The other played a variety of sports: skiing, wrestling, swimming, skateboarding, basketball, handball, badminton and soccer. He didn’t begin to focus on tennis until his teens. His name is Roger Federer.

Roger’s path to greatness is more common than Tiger’s. There are some very good reasons for this. Those who stay in the same sport, master techniques that work against their current opponents. Those who try many sports, are more flexible as they face new opponents. Those like Tiger, develop their bodies for their sport. Those like Federer, develop all-over physical strength and agility.

In areas like the arts, like music and dance, there is less interaction with others of their age group. Often by the time they could be professionals, they have lost interest and enthusiasm for their talent and want to change fields to be in a more social atmosphere.

Childhood is the time in life when we should allow and provide for our children to try a variety of interests. Most parents want to give their children the benefit of starting early in sports or music. This is good. These activities help children learn how to learn. They learn to listen to and respond to different teachers and different methods of teaching. They learn how to practice until they are good at something. They learn to overcome obstacles by persevering. These are all great benefits of early involvement in sports and arts.

Here are some things to consider:

  • Why do you want your child in an activity? Is it because you are good at that or wish you were? You may have a very good reason, but make sure they also want to learn it.
  • What does your child want to learn? Can you teach them that skill or can you provide a teacher for them?
  • After choosing the activity and teacher, let your child know this is for a specific period of time. Make it long enough that they will learn basic skills. At the end of that time, perhaps a year, reconsider if they want to continue or if a change should be considered.
  • Don’t give into your child’s whining or frustration before they have completed the first agreed upon period of lessons. If you do, they will not learn the lesson that anything worth doing, takes practice and determination.
  • After a reasonable period of lessons, if your child shows no aptitude or interest in the sport or art, help them chose a different activity to learn. Wanting to play the piano with some musical gift is radically better than forcing a tone-deaf child to learn to read music. The first one will enjoy playing a song he has heard before, while the second one only makes noise and hates it.
  • If your child shows exceptional ability in a sport or art and wants to continue pursuing that, don’t force him or her to change. Some children develop like Tiger and can stick with one focus their entire life. You may consider encouraging them to enroll in some other activity in addition to their focus to help them stay well rounded in relation to their peers.

Even if your child chooses to pursue an activity that you don’t enjoy, be careful not to demean your child for his or her interest in it. Find something good about it and be sure to applaud their development. Your boy may become a chef of renown or your girl become a forest ranger. Your reputation as a parent does not rely on your child’s chosen field of interest. But your child’s respect for you as a good parent will make all those lessons you paid for worth your while.

If you like this article, you may like a previous article I wrote on the Benefits of learning music

Curiosity Grows

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As your child is beginning preschool, kindy, or primary school, curiosity takes on an even more important role than it did as they were a baby.

Before they start school, you can help them satisfy their curiosity about anything they like. You can give them lots of hands-on experiences, read books to them about whatever they are curious about, or find videos and even games that will teach them more about things they find interesting.

Once they start school and have homework, you may feel like the first thing they should do is homework and then you run out of time for the things they are curious about.

There have been some studies done that tend to take a different view of curiosity and learning. 

The more we know, the more we want to know.

Research shows curiosity grows with knowledge. So, sometimes the key to helping our kids improve their attitudes about homework is to see that they get a basic grasp of the subject so that they can become curious to learn more about it. Math facts are an example. It can be tedious to learn the basic facts, but once those are learned, they can begin to see how numbers work together to give us more understanding about our other interests.

Two things happen with curiosity. The first is that the hippocampus, the memory trigger in the brain, is stimulated. That’s why we remember well things that we learned through satisfying our curiosity. The second is that the chemical dopamine is released in the brain with curiosity. That is the reward and pleasure chemical in our brains. We feel good when we have been curious and learned something.

Try this ‘trick’ to help you child in subjects they don’t like.

In one study they found that when children were bored by a subject, curiosity could help them learn it in spite of their dislike. This is how you can make this work for your child. Spark their curiosity about anything they are interested in. Help them satisfy at least some of that curiosity at the beginning of homework time. When curiosity has been stirred, we remember other facts more easily and for a longer time. For a while after satisfying curiosity, whatever they are exposed to next, just seems to flow in more easily and creates memory of those other subjects.

I was not always thrilled with the things my little ones found fascinating. Our eldest, cut holes in the back of our recliner chair so he could see what was inside. He also took our record player apart into all its tiniest pieces! (We never could make it work again!) But both our sons were curious about everything. It has stood them in good stead in their jobs today. They are both always curious, always learning and that has made them very valuable to their companies. So, think long-term, when your child asks in infinite number of questions about something they find interesting! You help them develop a habit of curiosity and learning for their future.

Vocabulary Growth

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This is especially for parents with preschool children and older.

Every parent wants their child to do well in school. We want our children to read as soon as possible and to love learning. We know the importance of a good start to education. So let’s explore some things you can do to help your child develop a good vocabulary and use of language.

Read to your children often. Read stories they enjoy. And read books above their reading level about subjects they are interested in. If your son is fascinated by dinosaurs, don’t just read children’s books with dinosaurs. Find books and articles that teach more about them than they would be able to learn on their own.

Play word games. Driving in the car, waiting in line, and instead of a computer game, play guessing games. Challenge them to describe something of their choice. Ask questions about its use, parts, color, size, shape, what it is made of, what other things go with it, and its category. Then change roles and let your child ask the questions and guess.

Listen to your child tell a story. This may be the hardest thing you do all day with your child! Some children can talk your arm and leg off! But listen and ask questions. Push them to explain how it could be done differently. If your child doesn’t easily tell what they are thinking about, ask questions they cannot answer with a nod or one word. Encourage conversation. She may be shy or she may be afraid to say something wrong. Reward her attempts with extra time and attention from you.

Memory Games. You can start with rhymes or song lyrics. Grocery lists and steps in a process are all things we all must learn to remember. Memory will go a long way to helping your child in school. Retelling stories with the details in order is another way to help retention of facts. 

Fifty Cent Words. Kids love to learn a big, adult-like word for simple things. You can share a Fifty Cent word every day with your child and encourage them to use it in a sentence. Or let them choose a word that they would like to learn a Fifty Cent synonym for. We taught our toddler ‘umbilicus’ for ‘belly button.’ He loved to show off his Fifty Cent words and would try to insert them into conversations. Words have always been fascinating to him and helped him learn new vocabulary at school easily.

I’d love to be able to share your ideas of ways you help your children grow their vocabulary and become fluent in language. Email your suggestions to: Diane

When to Call the Doctor

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I was reminded by the experience of one of our friends about fevers in babies and small children.

Fever in childhood can be common. There are lots of causes. Teething, a simple cold or flu, and even just excessive activity can bring on a low-grade fever. Making sure your child drinks plenty and gets rest will often see the temperature return to normal in a day or so.

But high fevers are nothing to take lightly with a baby or young child.

In the unlikely event that your child should run a high fever, it is good for you to know what to do and what not to do.

If your child feels warm to the touch, take their temperature. A rectal temperature is the most accurate, though under the arm will work. A fever over 100.4 degrees F. or 38 degrees C. must be reported to a doctor immediately. To help bring the fever down, a cool (not cold!) sponge bath can help keep the fever from rising dangerously high while you seek medical help. Do not give any medication until prescribed by a doctor.

A baby’s immune system is not ready to handle an infection on its own. The doctor will be able to advise treatment for the cause of the fever.

High fevers can trigger a febrile seizure or fit. 

This is the primary reason to get the fever down as soon as possible. Usually, a child having a febrile seizure shakes all over and loses consciousness. Sometimes, the child may get very stiff or twitch in just one area of the body. They may vomit. The fit seldom lasts more than a couple minutes.

So here are a few tips on what to do if you come across a case of febrile fits with a baby or child:

  • Protect them by placing him/her on the floor or bed away from any hard or sharp objects.
  • Turn his/her head to the side so that any saliva or vomit can drain from their mouth.
  • Get medical help immediately.

Now for the good news!

Most children respond well to medication for the cause of any fever they get. Most children never have a febrile fit. And most who do have one, never have another one in their lives.

For more information about reasons to call your child’s doctor see: Symptoms to Call Your Doctor About