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Warn the Unruly

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Last month I began a series from my husband’s web site called 21st Century Parenting. This part is Warn the Unruly.

The word unruly describes those who break the rules or ignore the rules. It refers to willful disobedience. An unruly person chooses to do wrong, though he knows what is right. Such behavior requires a clear, understandable, enforceable warning, and appropriate consequences if the child ignores the warning.

Parents set boundaries for their children. Though we know that our children could still get hurt living within the boundaries, we know there are hidden dangers, dangers they do not understand, outside the boundaries.

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Have a New Kid by Friday Review

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Dr. Kevin Leman wrote a wonderful book to help parents with discipline called, Have a New Kid by Friday. I reviewed some of the major concepts of the book and some specific examples of how it works for Toddlers. You can see the series of articles one at a time here:

Part 1– Acceptance, Belonging, and Competence

Part 2– Attitudes

Part 3– Character

Part 4– Discipline

Part 5– Temper Tantrums and Bedtime Battles

Part 6– Let Reality Be the Teacher and B Doesn’t Happen Until A Is Completed

done

Sibling Rivalry

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Quarreling and fighting among siblings is a perennial problem. Every mom of two or more kids faces it. Remember Joseph and his brothers in Genesis? Even Fairy Tales like Cinderella talk about sibling rivalry. We hope to make this an on-going discussion. Why not share your examples, strategies, and resources for other moms facing the dreaded Sibling Rivalry?

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New Kid by Friday – part 6

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Over the last few months I’ve been sharing some insights from Dr. Kevin Leman’s book, Have a New Kid by Friday.

These are the last two strategies from Dr. Leman that we will cover in these letters. Strategy one, “Let reality be the teacher.” And the second strategy is, “B doesn’t happen until A is completed.”

He stresses that as much as possible allow natural consequences to teach lessons to your child. Don’t be constantly reminding them of the consequences, just let them feel them. Don’t micromanage your child’s experiences. [Read more…]

New Kid by Friday- part 5

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Dr. Leman has a technique that he uses for a lot of different behavior problems. This one works particularly well when the purpose of the misbehavior is to get your attention and to control you. It goes like this: 1. Say it once. 2. Turn your back. 3. Walk away.

Telling your child more than once, he believes, just teaches your child that you think he/she is too stupid to understand you the first time. I tend to think it teaches children that they don’t have to obey until you have gotten worked up about it. That’s why counting is usually a bad idea.

Turning your back keeps your child from the reward of your attention. Children sometimes want your attention so much they don’t care if it means being punished. Not giving them attention when they are misbehaving breaks that link. Later, when they are doing well is the time to reward them with your attention.

Walking away is the hardest part of this method. When you walk away your child begins to panic, “Why isn’t mom giving me what I expect?” Dr. Leman says not to even say why you are walking away, just do it and it will result in a teachable moment.

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