French Parenting

March 6, 2013 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

Could some of these techniques make parenting in the US and Asia easier? This is excerpt from Fox News, March 3, 2013

Pamela Druckerman, an American living in Paris, didn’t expect to find anything special about French parenting – but little by little, she noticed life was different for French parents. Easier, perhaps.

“Children in France typically eat much better, for starters,” said Druckerman, who is the author of Bringing Up Bebe, and its sequel, Bebe Day by Day: 100 Keys to French Parenting.

“You don’t have kids just eating kids’ food all the time. Grownups and adults eat the same thing. There were babies sleeping through the night much sooner than American babies around me.”

Druckerman said French parents are “old-school,” in that their life does not revolve entirely around their kids, and they are better at saying “no” and sticking with it.

“They don’t want to fall into that cycle of perpetual negation that we often find ourselves in America,” Druckerman said. “But, at the same time, they give kids a lot of freedom. French kids bake cakes and load the dishwasher at 3-years-old, and they make salad dressing.”

1. You are the keeper of the fridge.

“Kids don’t snack in between meals in France,” Druckerman said. “There is one official snack time of the day; in the afternoon, and basically they eat well at meal times.”

Druckerman said she thinks this is one of the reasons France has such low childhood obesity levels.

2. Don’t let your child interrupt you.
“I think in America, we have gotten used to stopping everything when the child comes in, and that’s why you have moms and dads who say, ‘I can’t finish a cup of coffee, I can’t finish a conversation with my spouse…’ In France, children, of course, try to interrupt – they’re normal kids – and parents will say, ‘Excuse me, honey, I’m in the middle of something; I will be with you in a minute.'”

3. Let them eat cake.
This means two things, Druckerman said. First, kids literally bake cakes – starting at an early age. “It’s a way of teaching kids patience and self-control,” she said. “The other side is, you get to eat cake at the end. But you eat it normally as an afternoon snack. So it takes a wait.”

4. Show kids you have a life apart from them.
A French friend of hers went back to work so her children saw their mother’s life did not revolve around them entirely, Druckerman said, adding that children need to see a “mysterious adult realm” that they can aspire to one day.

Alternately, parents should have alone time and show kids they like to have privacy.

5. Punish rarely, but make it matter.
This is all about choosing your battles, Druckerman said. “Have certain no-go areas that the kids accept as laws of nature,” she said. “One of those is politeness.” In France, kids must always say “hello, good-bye, please and thank you.”

But – you don’t have to jump on your child for every little thing they do wrong – or else a parent’s authority will ultimately be diminished.

Go to Fox News, March 3, 2013, to see the whole article

Parenting in Public

February 22, 2013 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

I read this article on line at Parenting.com. It has so many practical ideas for helping children behave when in public. You know, most of the time, it has to do with how well you prepared ahead of time. This is a teaser, take time to read the whole article at: Parents.com

How to Parent in Public

Parenting when others are watching can be nerve-wracking, but a lot of those onlookers want to share advice, not pass judgment.

By Mindy Walker from Parents Magazine

One kid is dangling dangerously off your grocery cart. Another is pulling cracker boxes off the shelves. Your list has gone missing, the whining is growing noticeably louder, and you’re beginning to yell in that way that announces, “Mother of the Year in Aisle 5!” Parenting when others are watching can be tough, but it might help you to know that the grocery-store clerk is actually on your side. Same with the waiter, the flight attendant, and the nurse. Because of their jobs, they’ve seen nearly every child antic and tantrum you can possibly imagine. And it turns out that if you promise anonymity, they’ll share some pretty great coping tips.

See the tips from the following people you and your children will meet. Parents.com

From the grocery-store manager:

From the kids’ clothing-store owner:

From the children’s hair cutter:

From the toy-store owner:

From the nurse at the pediatrician’s office:

From the children’s librarian:

From the family-restaurant owner:

From the birthday-party entertainer:

From the flight attendant

Help the Challenged Child

January 30, 2013 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

Over the last months I’ve been sharing from my husband’s web site: Intermin on parenting. This month will be the last in this series. We have been talking about different reasons children might not behave as you would expect. One reason is rebellion, another is discouragement, and this one is when they have a weakness. If we take the same approach to every misbehaviour, we will miss some of the most important opportunities to influence our children to do their best. To read the entire article go to: Help the Challenged Child.

There’s a mystery about Vincent. Here’s the explanation of it. Vincent has learning disabilities: special problems that make it hard for him to learn in a normal school room setting. His problems aren’t serious enough to detect easily, and that makes things worse. Vincent’s difficulty isn’t his intellect, but the way he processes information. With the proper help, Vincent will become an outstanding young man. However, if someone doesn’t help him, if he is ignored or misunderstood, Vincent’s true potential will be wasted.

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Encourage the Faint-hearted

January 4, 2013 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

For the last few months I have been sending parts of Positive Parenting from Mike’s web site, Intermin

These lessons come from a parenting teaching my husband does on I Thes. 5:14-“Now we exhort you, brothers, warn the unruly, encourage the faint hearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.”

Children do not do what we expect of them for different reasons. We’ve spent the last couple months talking about warning the unruly. This month we’ll discuss encouraging the faint hearted. I realize the examples are about older children than yours, but the lessons are good reminders of ways we can deal with our children when they don’t meet our expectations.
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The Race

It’s Track and Field Day at the international school. The high school boys line up for the 1600 meter race. At the sharp, “Crack!” of the starter’s gun the runners explode from the starting line, each boy straining to get the maximum results from his body. Sixteen hundred meters later, one would win, one would be the fastest, the best. Four others would lose, though they may have trained and competed just as well.

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How to Warn the Unruly

December 7, 2012 By Diane Constantine 1 Comment

Last month we talked about the need to warn unruly children. This month we talk about how to do that.

We can learn how to warn our children and enforce those warnings, no matter what our temperament is, or theirs. The key is to not allow yourself to become a passive parent. Here are some strategies that will help:

Be Definite in Your Warning

Indefinite warnings are wasted warnings. As an example,. which one of these parents will get the best results:

Parent number one: “John, don’t be so naughty. If you don’t straighten up, you’re going to get it!”
Parent number two: “Susie, do not hit your brother. If you hit your brother again, you will sit on your time out chair for ten minutes. Do you understand?”

If you picked the second warning, you are right. Little Susie will get the message. If she doesn’t, her parents will know exactly what to do.

A definite warning is much stronger than an empty threat. The second warning identifies the unruly behavior, states the parent’s expectation, and explains the consequences of disobedience. The first warning, though full of emotion, is vague. You can almost hear the shouting and feel the tension. But it doesn’t really say anything. John will probably ignore the first warning, and the parent who gave it will become very frustrated.

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