Dealing with Conflict in Marriage

August 4, 2011 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

This month I’d like to explore some ways to look at areas of marital conflict. We have had several couples talk to us this month about difficult conflicts in their relationships, so I guess that has made this topic stand out.

When we have areas where we constantly clash or are offended, there is usually a deeper root. Since finding that deeper root involves opening up and being vulnerable, many couples never try. It is easier to grouse about the symptoms on one side. Or on the other hand, to bear the nagging of an annoyed mate rather than deal with the deeper issues.

Let’s peak in on one couple and see if we can discover some underlying causes and some possible adjustments that could make this marriage better.

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Music and Your Child’s Mind

August 4, 2011 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

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First Steps is always trying to provide you with good, reliable information to help you make choices for your children. When considering whether music lessons are important, you should take a look at this summary of research that has been done on the effects of learning to play an instrument. This article was published in GreatSchools.org
Here are seven areas where studies have shown the benefits of music to kids’ education and development:

Language processing: Several recent studies suggest that the brain processes music and language in similar ways, and that training in music may have benefits for language-related skills. The Neurosciences Institute reports that its research has “revealed a significant degree of overlap between music and language processing,” and in a 2005 study , researchers at Stanford University found that mastering a musical instrument improves the way the human brain processes parts of spoken language. The findings suggested that students who are struggling with language and reading skills could especially benefit from musical training.

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Out-doors in the Heat

July 4, 2011 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

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We live in Malaysia, a land of hot sunny days year round. But many of you live where the seasons change from icy cold to cool and comfortable to hot and steamy. Since it is hot weather for almost all of the First Steps moms, I thought I’d send some ideas for hot weather fun with your baby or toddler.

John J. Ratey’s new book, The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain, reports how exercise can give your child the edge in learning. He is using this knowledge to help schools transform their PE programs and improve academics. Why not begin early and help your child develop a lifetime habit of being physically active?

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Persistence

June 15, 2011 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

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This is a continuation of a review of Mary Sheedy Kurcinka’s book, Raising Your Spirited Child. This book would have been such a boon to me in raising my two sons. They were good boys, but both were spirited in different ways. I felt like I was banging my head against a wall many days, especially before they could talk well and again when they were teenagers.

The section on persistence is a long section and much of it deals with children who can talk well enough to negotiate. Though this site is primarily for moms with younger children, there is no way to understand the principles without discussing the goal and general methods of dealing with persistence in older children first. Please bear with me, it is worth the journey.

“The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will and the other from a strong won’t.”—Howard Ward Beecher

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Letting Go

June 4, 2011 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

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The ice rink had been the scene of so many happy memories for a mom. Taking her daughter by the hand, she attempted to teach her how to soar around the ice. But they banged into each other, tripped each other, and were failing altogether. The daughter shook off the mom’s hand and tried to skate. She fell. The mom rushed to help her up and the daughter pushed her away. The mom told her to hold the guard rail. The daughter refused. On her feet again, in a heap on the ice, on her feet, sprawled on the ice, up again and again. By the time they left a couple hours later, the daughter was bruised and sore, but grinning delightedly. She could ice skate! She had learned how! She loved the freedom of sailing around that rink as much as her mother did.

This is a picture of the process of letting go.

I think the first time I realized I had to ‘let go’ of my baby was when he was safely tucked into his bassinet and I had to ‘let go’ of my watchful guard of him and surrender to sleep. You see, when we sleep, we are no longer in control. We are no longer able to watch and prevent disaster. I knew the risk was small that anything sinister could happen to him, but I had to ‘let go.’

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