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Have You Played Today?

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There used to be a bumper sticker that said, “Have you hugged your kid today?

Maybe today we need one that says, “Have you played with your kid today?” I’m using the idea of play in a very general way. This play is not just a game with rules or a sport. But something both parent and child can especially enjoy together.

Have the only things you’ve said and done with your children all been about tasks and completion? Here are a few things to think about.

  • Have you taken the time to tell or hear a silly story?
  • Have you plopped down on the floor and wrestled with your children?
  • Have you hugged your little child and started to dance across the floor?
  • Have you made a game of a chore instead of just telling Little One to ‘get it done’?
  • Have you worked a puzzle or drawn a picture together?

I think you get the idea. All these things take a little time. We must relax a little and not be compulsive about the completion of a task. They all mean some smiles or laughs by both parent and child. In other words, “Have Fun!”

Don’t let a day go by where the only things you talk to your child about are tasks and time and duty. Take a deep breath. Lay down your phone or paper and focus on your child. Start singing a silly song. You might find there is a better atmosphere in your home for the whole evening.

10 Ways to Help Newborns Sleep Better

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Part 2 of “Parents of Newborns Say. . . ” Series

“How can I get enough sleep . . .” You will not get enough sleep for the first few months after bringing a newborn home. But these tips will help baby  sleep better and at better times. These are excerpts from Lauren Tamm at The Military Wife and Mom .com

  1. Swaddle – Firmly wrapping baby keeps their startle reflex from wakening them frequently.
  2. Dreamfeed -this is a feeding right before you go to bed, to help prevent the baby from waking up just after you finally drift off to sleep.
  3. Limit the length of naps during the day. If the baby sleeps past the 2 – 2.5 hour mark, wake the baby up, feed him, keep him a wake for a bit, and then lay him down for another nap. Think: More daytime feeds = less nighttime feeds.
  4. Use white noise – Baby will hear a soft regular sound nearby and will be less disturbed by noises from another part of the house.
  5. Follow the eat, wake, sleep cycle. The baby wakes from sleep and immediately eats. Then the baby is awake for a while to play. Then the baby goes back to sleep….

This cycle has several purposes. First, it encourages full feedings by allowing the baby to eat immediately after waking. The baby will have the most energy immediately after waking, making him more inclined to take a full feeding and go longer between feedings. Also, by feeding the baby after sleep rather than before sleep, the cycle prevents the baby from associating food with sleep or using food as a sleep prop. When using this cycle, a feeding before bedtime is typically the only feeding before sleep.

  1. Use a pre-nap and bedtime routines. It is well known that babies thrive on routine, structure, and predictability. Creating consistent routines for your baby will help bring order to a very chaotic world. Choose a pre-nap routine that works for you. A pre-nap routine may include taking the baby to his room, close the blinds or curtains, place the baby in his sleep sack or wearable blanket, turn on the white noise, sing a quick song (e.g. Twinkle, twinkle), give a few cuddles, and say your sleepy words “I love you. I hope you have a good sleep.”

A bedtime routine would typically be a little longer and may include a bath, a massage, reading a story, offering a feeding, placing the baby in a wearable blanket or swaddle, turning on the white noise, a few cuddles, and saying your sleepy words. Following the same exact routine as consistently as possible cues the baby for sleep, and over time the baby will learn that sleep immediately follows the nap and bedtime routines.

  1. Change your baby’s diaper strategically – Changing the diaper before a middle of the night feeding prevents the baby from waking up too much after a feeding is finished.
  2. Understand how a baby sleeps. Encourage lots of naps AND feedings during the day following the eat, wake, sleep cycle. Keeping a baby awake in hopes of tiring him out will actually result in over-stimulation, and he will experience both difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep. It is very likely an over-tired baby will sleep shorter, not longer.
  3. Don’t rush in… Give the baby some time and see if he will resettle himself. Avoid rushing in and disturbing this process in order to help your newborn baby sleep better.
  4. Lay the baby down awake, but drowsy.

The most important way to encourage your baby to sleep well in the long run is to teach him to fall asleep independently, which is essentially the beginnings of teaching independent sleep.

To read the entire article and follow some additional links, click: The Military Wife and Mom .com

What Dads Bring to Parenting

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Children who grow up with mom and dad parenting together have the advantages of two different ways of responding to the world they live in. They are much more likely to complete high school, not get involved in drugs and other risky behaviors, and be ready to be productive citizens than children with absent or ineffective parents.

So what are dads particularly good at teaching their children?

Exploring with enthusiasm. Dads encourage their kids to explore their environment with excitement and curiosity and less fear.

Healthy self-confidence. Dads urge their children to expand their strength, skill, and endurance. Kids find out what they are capable of doing. Dads seldom tell their child what won’t work. They let their kids try to master a skill before stepping in to help.

Real-life consequences. Dads allow real-life consequences to teach right and wrong behavior.  “If you don’t share your toys with your friend, he won’t want to play with you again.”

Bigger, better vocabulary. Dads use more ‘grown-up’ language early and challenge their kids to build their vocabulary.

Image of real manhood. Dads affirm the masculinity of their sons and show them how to use their strength and masculinity in positive ways. They show their daughters how to respond to boys and men and what to expect from them.

Kids need both a mom and dad. Dads, your input and influence in your children’s lives bring about a huge decrease in juvenile delinquency, school drop-out, and other unhealthy behavior choices. Be present and active in your kids’ lives. You make a huge difference!

Read more in: How Important is Dad?

Newborn’s Sleep

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Watch for “Parents of Newborns Say. . .” This series of articles will cover things these parents claim that no one told them about before baby came.

“I had no idea newborns sleep so much but wake up so often!” The next few articles will help you understand why you are sleep deprived and some ways to try to get more sleep.

Let’s start with five things you probably didn’t know about newborn’s sleep.

BabyCenter.com has a great article about newborn baby’s sleep. Here are the highlights.

  1. Many newborns have their nights and days reversed. They sleep for longer stretches in the daytime and are more alert at night. As the baby’s brain and nervous system mature, the sleep cycles will get longer and more sleep will occur at night. This usually takes a month or more.
  2. Newborns typically sleep 12 -18 hours until they’re a month old. That’s the good part. The bad part is that they rarely sleep more than two to four hours at a time, day or night!
  3. Babies do not need peace and quiet to sleep. The womb is a noisy place with heartbeat, digestion and so on. Noise doesn’t bother them. They will sleep anywhere and anytime they need to sleep.
  4. Babies have their own sleep personalities. They come from the womb with their own temperament. Some are light sleepers and some heavy sleepers.
  5. Babies are safer and sleep better with no blankets or pillows in their bed. Doctors recommend sleeping on their back on a firm, flat mattress with a tight fitting sheet. Keep them cozy with layered clothing or a one piece sleeper. (If you are going to co-sleep or have a family bed, please read this article, “Sleep Sharing.” Don’t worry, it isn’t against this practice, but does give some directions that could make this more successful.)

Click here for a video on Baby Sleep Tips for Birth to 3 Months

Creative Kids

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Creativity is a type of rational thinking called divergent thinking. Creative thinkers branch off from our ordinary linear thinking and offer multiple solutions or answers to a problem.

Inventors and scientists, along with artists and musicians are creative thinkers.

So what if you have a creative thinking child? What if your son is constantly coming in and trying to engage you in a discussion of an invention he wants to make? How do you respond to your daughter when she shows you her drawing of fashions she’d like to see for her classmates? It can be exhausting to listen to their detailed plans and hard to find enough wall space to post all their drawings.

Studies show children’s creativity tends to decrease with age. Our schools foster conventional thinking skills to find ‘correct’ solutions. Linear thinking is rewarded all through school even to university education. So if our kids are to develop their creativity, it will largely be outside the classroom.

But this is one trait you, as a parent, can really influence. You can help your child develop their creative thinking or you can stifle it and the world will lose out.

Parents can encourage creative thinking by valuing creativity at home. Watch TV shows that explore new ideas. Look for new ways to do ordinary tasks or rearrange your furniture from time-to-time. Seek new ideas for dinner or vacation destinations. Children pick up the family’s values.

Encourage self-expression. Plan for unstructured playtime and let your child explore both indoors and outdoors. Provide materials for them to experiment on their own. Limit screen time to allow for free thinking outside the box.

Spend time with your child reading together about whatever they are interested in. Take them to see how others do whatever it is they are thinking about. Ask open-ended and thought-provoking questions. Discuss ideas for solving problems they encounter and help them innovate and explore in new areas.

Fight your own tendency to do things by the book and for a ‘correct’ outcome. Let your child know it is OK to make mistakes. Teach them that even the greatest inventors tried and failed many times before they found what works.

Who know, you may just raise a child who will change the world!

Read more about Cultivating Creativity

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