Your Child's Journey

wisdom for the big steps little children take

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Learning Differences (LD)

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Learning Differences are often called by other names: Learning Disabilities or Dyslexia. Whatever name is used, children with LD have trouble learning with the traditional education methods.

The symptoms are often difficult to clearly diagnose until about 8 years of age, as many children ‘grow out of’ these during their first few years of school. Many of the LD symptoms are also symptoms of other conditions like AD(H)D or autism spectrum.

But if your child does not seem to be maturing at a similar rate to other children their age, please consider early intervention. The earlier these differences are recognized and appropriate therapy is started, the more likely there will be fewer long-lasting difficulties.

For a descriptive list of symptoms of LD see: Learning Differences: Signs and Symptoms

 

Preparing a Child for the Loss of a Loved One

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It’s tough to say for sure how your child will handle this kind of loss, especially depending on who the afflicted person is. Some kids actually handle the news better than adults — they might not truly grasp the situation ahead of time, and their tendency to live in the moment will prevent them from thinking too far ahead about it. However, the loss will have a significant impact on them at some point, and they’ll need your help moving forward.

One of the most crucial factors to keep in mind with children is the need to be honest. While there may be certain details you don’t need to give them — younger children might not necessarily need the explanation of the kind of cancer, for example — it’s important they have an accurate understanding of what’s going on. Use language they can understand, and simplify when possible. Answer their questions, and be prepared to go over things more than once. You might need to address things they’ve overheard from others, so be mindful of what’s said around them and be prepared to follow up.

Some children end up feeling somehow responsible for the illness of a loved one, especially if it’s a parent or someone else especially close to them. It’s easy for them to flash to an angry memory where they shouted an angry thought or “wish,” and come to the conclusion that they have actually caused the condition. Even if your child doesn’t say they are feeling this way, make sure they know in no uncertain terms that the illness is not their fault, and there isn’t anything they could have done to prevent it. Explain that sometimes, terrible things happen and wonderful people get sick.

Talk to your child about what’s going on regularly, even if they don’t outwardly seem to be very bothered by it. They might find comfort in creating a memory box full of photos, memorabilia, and other items that remind them of their loved one. Giving them a grief journal to write down their thoughts and feelings can also be soothing, whether it’s before or immediately following the passing. If your child seems to be struggling to cope or isn’t opening up to you, they might feel more comfortable speaking to an older sibling or another family member. Try not to get upset if this is the case — it’s possible that your child sees you coping with your own grief and doesn’t want to add to it. Let them know you’re always available to talk whenever they’re ready, and that it will never be a bother or inconvenience. Even if they don’t open up right away, it’s crucial to say the words so they know the door is always open.

Let your child be involved with visiting and caring for your loved one for as long as it’s appropriate. It may be tough for them to see that person, especially if they are visibly deteriorating, but it can be an important part of understanding and coping with the ultimate death. Give them the opportunity to say goodbye, especially if you become aware that time is running low.

Losing a loved one to a terminal illness is undoubtedly a bitter pill to swallow, but try to take comfort in the fact that their suffering will soon end. Lean on your family and friends, be open and understanding of how others feel, and do what you can to help everyone move forward.

Part of a much longer article from Neptune Society

Multi-purpose Toys

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At Christmas time, we think about toys for our children. Let’s consider what kinds of toys are most beneficial for our children.

In this age of electronic gadgets and toys that talk and have colourful displays, it may be one of the things you consider giving your children this year.

I get it! In a restaurant the children who each have a phone or tablet to watch a video or play a game are quiet and still. In the same restaurant, children who brought their toys may be in the aisles playing and disrupting the peaceful atmosphere. The ‘electronic baby-sitter’ keeps kids quietly entertained. There are times when electronic toys are the best possible toy for your child.

Choose the toys you buy carefully

Electronic toys that talk, do not teach your child to talk. Children do not learn speech from gadgets. Children learn speech from watching and hearing live people talk. They watch your whole face, they see that there is a connection with you and with the words you speak. Electronic toys are not a shortcut to a child learning to speak.

When you play with your child and talk to them about what you are doing, they associate your words, expressions, and touch with the words. They see and feel the things being spoken about. Speech is more than mechanical, it is social and relational. There is no substitute or alternative for talking and playing with your child.

Screen time means less time for personal interaction of your child with adults.

The benefits of affordable, multipurpose toys

Blocks and balls, dolls and vehicles, puzzles and books all stimulate development in your child. Toys should stimulate your child’s imagination and problem-solving abilities. Toys should encourage your child both mentally and physically. These are the best choices.

There is a window of opportunity for children to learn specific developmental tasks. If they miss that window, there are synapses in their brains that are pruned. It is not that they cannot ever learn those skills, but it will be much more difficult and will take a lot more work to learn. One of those skills is spatial relationships.

Building with blocks, catching and throwing balls, stretching and reaching for objects and even puzzle assembly contribute to strengthening these pathways in their brains. Hand-eye coordination is not developed by pushing buttons on a phone or tablet.

To get the best benefit from the toys they play with, they need you and all their caregivers to spend one-on-one time with them to talk and ask questions and stimulate their interest and creativity. Modelling a new way to play with a traditional toy will challenge them to repeat that and then to find an even more creative way to use it.

The bottom line

There are no toys that can substitute for a warm, loving, dependable relationship. Use toys to enhance interactions between parents and child or caregiver and child. These relationships are vital to all round good development.

For more research based information see:

Pediatricians Say Kids Need Simple Toys, Not iPads and Electronics

More on Your Child’s Journey about toys:

A Sampling Period

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There were two professional athletes. One started learning his game at the age of 7 months and beat his own dad at the age of 8. This was Tiger Woods.

The other played a variety of sports: skiing, wrestling, swimming, skateboarding, basketball, handball, badminton and soccer. He didn’t begin to focus on tennis until his teens. His name is Roger Federer.

Roger’s path to greatness is more common than Tiger’s. There are some very good reasons for this. Those who stay in the same sport, master techniques that work against their current opponents. Those who try many sports, are more flexible as they face new opponents. Those like Tiger, develop their bodies for their sport. Those like Federer, develop all-over physical strength and agility.

In areas like the arts, like music and dance, there is less interaction with others of their age group. Often by the time they could be professionals, they have lost interest and enthusiasm for their talent and want to change fields to be in a more social atmosphere.

Childhood is the time in life when we should allow and provide for our children to try a variety of interests. Most parents want to give their children the benefit of starting early in sports or music. This is good. These activities help children learn how to learn. They learn to listen to and respond to different teachers and different methods of teaching. They learn how to practice until they are good at something. They learn to overcome obstacles by persevering. These are all great benefits of early involvement in sports and arts.

Here are some things to consider:

  • Why do you want your child in an activity? Is it because you are good at that or wish you were? You may have a very good reason, but make sure they also want to learn it.
  • What does your child want to learn? Can you teach them that skill or can you provide a teacher for them?
  • After choosing the activity and teacher, let your child know this is for a specific period of time. Make it long enough that they will learn basic skills. At the end of that time, perhaps a year, reconsider if they want to continue or if a change should be considered.
  • Don’t give into your child’s whining or frustration before they have completed the first agreed upon period of lessons. If you do, they will not learn the lesson that anything worth doing, takes practice and determination.
  • After a reasonable period of lessons, if your child shows no aptitude or interest in the sport or art, help them chose a different activity to learn. Wanting to play the piano with some musical gift is radically better than forcing a tone-deaf child to learn to read music. The first one will enjoy playing a song he has heard before, while the second one only makes noise and hates it.
  • If your child shows exceptional ability in a sport or art and wants to continue pursuing that, don’t force him or her to change. Some children develop like Tiger and can stick with one focus their entire life. You may consider encouraging them to enroll in some other activity in addition to their focus to help them stay well rounded in relation to their peers.

Even if your child chooses to pursue an activity that you don’t enjoy, be careful not to demean your child for his or her interest in it. Find something good about it and be sure to applaud their development. Your boy may become a chef of renown or your girl become a forest ranger. Your reputation as a parent does not rely on your child’s chosen field of interest. But your child’s respect for you as a good parent will make all those lessons you paid for worth your while.

If you like this article, you may like a previous article I wrote on the Benefits of learning music

Curiosity Grows

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As your child is beginning preschool, kindy, or primary school, curiosity takes on an even more important role than it did as they were a baby.

Before they start school, you can help them satisfy their curiosity about anything they like. You can give them lots of hands-on experiences, read books to them about whatever they are curious about, or find videos and even games that will teach them more about things they find interesting.

Once they start school and have homework, you may feel like the first thing they should do is homework and then you run out of time for the things they are curious about.

There have been some studies done that tend to take a different view of curiosity and learning. 

The more we know, the more we want to know.

Research shows curiosity grows with knowledge. So, sometimes the key to helping our kids improve their attitudes about homework is to see that they get a basic grasp of the subject so that they can become curious to learn more about it. Math facts are an example. It can be tedious to learn the basic facts, but once those are learned, they can begin to see how numbers work together to give us more understanding about our other interests.

Two things happen with curiosity. The first is that the hippocampus, the memory trigger in the brain, is stimulated. That’s why we remember well things that we learned through satisfying our curiosity. The second is that the chemical dopamine is released in the brain with curiosity. That is the reward and pleasure chemical in our brains. We feel good when we have been curious and learned something.

Try this ‘trick’ to help you child in subjects they don’t like.

In one study they found that when children were bored by a subject, curiosity could help them learn it in spite of their dislike. This is how you can make this work for your child. Spark their curiosity about anything they are interested in. Help them satisfy at least some of that curiosity at the beginning of homework time. When curiosity has been stirred, we remember other facts more easily and for a longer time. For a while after satisfying curiosity, whatever they are exposed to next, just seems to flow in more easily and creates memory of those other subjects.

I was not always thrilled with the things my little ones found fascinating. Our eldest, cut holes in the back of our recliner chair so he could see what was inside. He also took our record player apart into all its tiniest pieces! (We never could make it work again!) But both our sons were curious about everything. It has stood them in good stead in their jobs today. They are both always curious, always learning and that has made them very valuable to their companies. So, think long-term, when your child asks in infinite number of questions about something they find interesting! You help them develop a habit of curiosity and learning for their future.