Gift Giving

December 19, 2017 By Diane Constantine

Are you going into debt to give gifts? How long will the things you buy satisfy and please your children? What are your children learning through these gifts?

Consider these ideas about gift giving:

Don’t go into debt for gifts. They are much more fun to give when you don’t have to face credit card bills in the New Year.
Involve your children in buying gifts for each other and family members.
Include your children in sharing Christmas joy with those less fortunate.
Invite those who have no family of their own to share your holiday celebrations.
Make a memory instead of buying things. (Take your kids to some event or place and spend time together doing something they won’t forget.)

My most memorable childhood Christmases were when we brought an orphan girl to share a few days with us during the holiday season. We each made gifts for her as we did for each other. Other years we helped mom shop for food baskets to take to poor families who lived near-by. We often went as a family to visit older family members and took them homemade cookies or other treats we helped to make.

Hear Your Child

November 30, 2017 By Diane Constantine

Most modern parents are frustrated that they cannot spend more time with their children. We wonder how we can make the most of the time we do have.

Ellen Mady recently wrote about how she is taking advantage of the time she has with her child. Every evening she asks three questions of her three year old. His answers give her a window into his thoughts, experiences, and feelings. She really listens and responds to what she hears. Her two year old also listens to these conversations and is beginning to be really interested too. Her three questions:

What is something that made you smile today?
What is something that made you cry today?
What is something that you learned today?

She says, “I want our kids to feel comfortable coming to us later on in their life when they find something challenging, need a shoulder to lean on or just want to share a success. That won’t come out of nowhere. Teaching our children when they are very young that sharing as a family is something good and normal builds a sense of security and trust that will help keep communication pathways open later on.”

Why am I So Sad?

September 24, 2017 By Diane Constantine

Why am I sad? I just had a beautiful, healthy baby!

Welcome to the majority of new moms! Where is the blissful joy we expected as the reward for labor? Why do we feel like this is the worst PMS ever?

With delivery go all those wonderful hormones. We’re profoundly exhausted by the birth process. Then comes learning to breast feed (no one told us we would have to learn how!) And, let’s not forget, sleep deprivation from waking to feed our darling every 2-3 hours.

The first two weeks involve profound physical, emotional, social and family changes. This is all normal. To feel sad and irritable is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by.

What should you do during this time? Ask for help, rest as much as possible, take good care of yourself, and share your feelings. Don’t bottle them up and make yourself feel even more miserable.

Life soon settles down to a new normal, hormones level out, and the worst of the emotional storms are past.

If however, you are among the 10-20% of moms whose baby blues last longer than two weeks and are more intense, you are experiencing postpartum depression. Talk to your OB/Gyn or midwife as soon as possible. There is much that can be done to help you out of this common depression. Don’t delay getting help. These first 2-3 months of your baby’s life are so important for bonding and establishing the foundations of trust in your baby. There is no shame in asking for help.

What Dads Bring to Parenting

September 20, 2017 By Diane Constantine

Children who grow up with mom and dad parenting together have the advantages of two different ways of responding to the world they live in. They are much more likely to complete high school, not get involved in drugs and other risky behaviors, and be ready to be productive citizens than children with absent or ineffective parents.

So what are dads particularly good at teaching their children?

Exploring with enthusiasm. Dads encourage their kids to explore their environment with excitement and curiosity and less fear.

Healthy self-confidence. Dads urge their children to expand their strength, skill, and endurance. Kids find out what they are capable of doing. Dads seldom tell their child what won’t work. They let their kids try to master a skill before stepping in to help.

Real-life consequences. Dads allow real-life consequences to teach right and wrong behavior. “If you don’t share your toys with your friend, he won’t want to play with you again.”

Bigger, better vocabulary. Dads use more ‘grown-up’ language early and challenge their kids to build their vocabulary.

Image of real manhood. Dads affirm the masculinity of their sons and show them how to use their strength and masculinity in positive ways. They show their daughters how to respond to boys and men and what to expect from them.

Kids need both a mom and dad. Dads, your input and influence in your children’s lives bring about a huge decrease in juvenile delinquency, school drop-out, and other unhealthy behavior choices. Be present and active in your kids’ lives. You make a huge difference!

Creative Kids

September 2, 2017 By Diane Constantine

Creativity is a type of rational thinking called divergent thinking. Creative thinkers branch off from our ordinary linear thinking and offer multiple solutions or answers to a problem.

Inventors and scientists, along with artists and musicians are creative thinkers.

So what if you have a creative thinking child? What if your son is constantly coming in and trying to engage you in a discussion of an invention he wants to make? How do you respond to your daughter when she shows you her drawing of fashions she’d like to see for her classmates? It can be exhausting to listen to their detailed plans and hard to find enough wall space to post all their drawings.

Studies show children’s creativity tends to decrease with age. Our schools foster conventional thinking skills to find ‘correct’ solutions. Linear thinking is rewarded all through school even to university education. So if our kids are to develop their creativity, it will largely be outside the classroom.

But this is one trait you, as a parent, can really influence. You can help your child develop their creative thinking or you can stifle it and the world will lose out.

Parents can encourage creative thinking by valuing creativity at home. Watch TV shows that explore new ideas. Look for new ways to do ordinary tasks or rearrange your furniture from time-to-time. Seek new ideas for dinner or vacation destinations. Children pick up the family’s values.

Encourage self-expression. Plan for unstructured playtime and let your child explore both indoors and outdoors. Provide materials for them to experiment on their own. Limit screen time to allow for free thinking outside the box.

Spend time with your child reading together about whatever they are interested in. Take them to see how others do whatever it is they are thinking about. Ask open-ended and thought-provoking questions. Discuss ideas for solving problems they encounter and help them innovate and explore in new areas.

Fight your own tendency to do things by the book and for a ‘correct’ outcome. Let your child know it is OK to make mistakes. Teach them that even the greatest inventors tried and failed many times before they found what works.

Who know, you may just raise a child who will change the world!