Persistence

June 15, 2011 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

This is a continuation of a review of Mary Sheedy Kurcinka’s book, Raising Your Spirited Child. This book would have been such a boon to me in raising my two sons. They were good boys, but both were spirited in different ways. I felt like I was banging my head against a wall many days, especially before they could talk well and again when they were teenagers.

The section on persistence is a long section and much of it deals with children who can talk well enough to negotiate. Though this site is primarily for moms with younger children, there is no way to understand the principles without discussing the goal and general methods of dealing with persistence in older children first. Please bear with me, it is worth the journey.

“The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will and the other from a strong won’t.”—Howard Ward Beecher

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Letting Go

June 4, 2011 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

The ice rink had been the scene of so many happy memories for a mom. Taking her daughter by the hand, she attempted to teach her how to soar around the ice. But they banged into each other, tripped each other, and were failing altogether. The daughter shook off the mom’s hand and tried to skate. She fell. The mom rushed to help her up and the daughter pushed her away. The mom told her to hold the guard rail. The daughter refused. On her feet again, in a heap on the ice, on her feet, sprawled on the ice, up again and again. By the time they left a couple hours later, the daughter was bruised and sore, but grinning delightedly. She could ice skate! She had learned how! She loved the freedom of sailing around that rink as much as her mother did.

This is a picture of the process of letting go.

I think the first time I realized I had to ‘let go’ of my baby was when he was safely tucked into his bassinet and I had to ‘let go’ of my watchful guard of him and surrender to sleep. You see, when we sleep, we are no longer in control. We are no longer able to watch and prevent disaster. I knew the risk was small that anything sinister could happen to him, but I had to ‘let go.’

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Intensity

May 25, 2011 By Diane Constantine 1 Comment

This month I am continuing with more from the book, Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. The topic is Intensity. Some of you are blessed with a calm child who rarely or never shows great intensity in their reactions. Count your blessings! Others of you have a child or children who have very intense reactions. These are the children who often throw a fit when frustrated or scream with delight. Even if you don’t have an intense child, you may be able to help a mom who does to find the key to calming her child.

In this installment we’ll look at how you can identify an on-coming tornado of emotions and how to defuse it. Knowing your own child’s cues will help you learn how to calm them and then teach your child to recognize the signs and calm themselves. As in all our parenting, the goal is to help our child learn self control.
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Introvert or Extrovert

April 1, 2011 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

This month I am continuing with more from the book, Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. In this segment I’ll share another tool to help you better understand your child. Using your observations you can make adjustments to reduce the amount of friction in your family.

This month’s discussion is about Introvert and Extrovert. You may want to take a look at this survey. After you have used the tool for evaluating yourself and your spouse, come back to read some more so you may be better able to identify your child’s energy source.

“Traditionally the term introvert has been used to describe someone who is shy and socially unskilled. It’s important to remember that in psychological terms, introversion and extroversion do not describe social skills. They explain how we get our energy. Both introverts and extroverts can be very savvy interacting with people. Your child can be a very social extrovert, or a very social introvert. The key is what happens afterward. The introvert will be drained and ready for a nap or a quiet, solitary activity, whereas the extrovert will be wound up and ready for more action.”

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Temperament Survey

March 2, 2011 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

This month I’ve been reading a very interesting book called Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. My son sent me a copy of the book when we were trying to understand our grandson better. I have been most interested in the tools she provides for evaluating your child and yourself.

It is always good to be a student of your child. In this way you can help to mold his character and yet not break his will. Many of the problems we have with our child comes from misunderstanding needs and motivations. Knowing what the baseline is for both of you can help you to respond, instead of reacting, to your child. It can help you to plan ahead to avoid some explosions.

For the next few months, I will share some of the evaluating tools included in Raising Your Spirited Child. There is much more to the book. I would encourage you to get a copy if you find these tools interesting and helpful. The book is loaded with personal examples and ideas for dealing with problems arising from our basic makeups.

The first of the evaluators deals with temperament. This is even a bit more basic than personality which can be influenced by our experience, culture, education, and upbringing. These are in-born traits that can be identified at an early age and don’t change throughout life.

Why not take a look at these evaluation tools? Child’s Temperament and Parent’s Temperament

I hope you find these as interesting as I did.