How Important is Dad?

September 4, 2026 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

In June 2012, two studies involving dads and their children were published in scientific journals. The first study was done at the University of Connecticut over several decades. The second one was done by Brigham Young University on the effects of parenting style of dads on their children.

In the first study they found that kids who feel rejected by their fathers show higher rates of behavioral problems than those who feel rejected by their mothers. These children show much higher rates of delinquency, depression, and substance abuse.

Moms may reject their child because they had not wanted to be pregnant, poor bonding soon after delivery, or other problems that drive her away from home. Of course, we expect those children to be seriously affected by her rejection.

But this study showed that if a child feels rejected by their father, the consequences are much more serious. Dads are vital to a child’s well-being. Dads may never have bonded with the child and therefore are more aloof. They may just be so busy or have to be away so much that they don’t know how to respond to the child when they are home and the child feels rejected. Or the child may not be what dad expected and so he rejects the child. His son may show more interest in music and arts or cooking and he wanted a child who loved the outdoors and would go trekking or hunting with him. But no matter what the cause, the effect can be devastating on the child.

In the Brigham Young study children responded much more strongly to the parenting style of the father than of the mother. The father’s style effected the child’s persistence much more than the mother’s style.

If the father showed love and warmth to his kids, held them responsible to obey the rules, explained why the rules exist, and gave them age-appropriate freedom; the children thrived. These children were much more persistent in their school work and had much lower incidents of delinquency. In other words, these were involved dads and they had good kids.

Another amazing fact that came out of this study was that it didn’t matter if the father figure in the home was the biological father or not. What mattered was his involvement and warmth with the children in the home.

So yet again, we see the importance of keeping dad involved with your children. Do everything you can to provide him time with the children when he is able to give them undivided attention. Keep him up-dated on your child’s development. Discuss any concerns you have together and agree on ways to handle those problems. Never put your husband down in front of the kids, but support him in his parenting role.

Some other articles about Dad that you might find important:

Moms and Dads Together during pregnancy.
When you have a newborn, Daddy needs time to bond with your baby. (See Bonding and Brain Chemicals )
At around 18 months little boys realize they are more like dad than mom. They begin to shift their interest and allegiance to dad. They want to do everything dad does and they crave his attention. This is normal and vital to later healthy gender development. (See: ‘Healthy Gender Development‘)
Dads and Their Daughters
Moms and Dads Play Differently – Kids need both kinds of play!

Have a New Kid by Friday Review

September 3, 2026 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

Dr. Kevin Leman wrote a wonderful book to help parents with discipline called, Have a New Kid by Friday. I reviewed some of the major concepts of the book and some specific examples of how it works for Toddlers. You can see the series of articles one at a time here:

Part 1– Acceptance, Belonging, and Competence

Part 2– Attitudes

Part 3– Character

Part 4– Discipline

Part 5– Temper Tantrums and Bedtime Battles

Part 6– Let Reality Be the Teacher and B Doesn’t Happen Until A Is Completed

done

Creative Kids

September 2, 2026 By Diane Constantine

Creativity is a type of rational thinking called divergent thinking. Creative thinkers branch off from our ordinary linear thinking and offer multiple solutions or answers to a problem.

Inventors and scientists, along with artists and musicians are creative thinkers.

So what if you have a creative thinking child? What if your son is constantly coming in and trying to engage you in a discussion of an invention he wants to make? How do you respond to your daughter when she shows you her drawing of fashions she’d like to see for her classmates? It can be exhausting to listen to their detailed plans and hard to find enough wall space to post all their drawings.

Studies show children’s creativity tends to decrease with age. Our schools foster conventional thinking skills to find ‘correct’ solutions. Linear thinking is rewarded all through school even to university education. So if our kids are to develop their creativity, it will largely be outside the classroom.

But this is one trait you, as a parent, can really influence. You can help your child develop their creative thinking or you can stifle it and the world will lose out.

Parents can encourage creative thinking by valuing creativity at home. Watch TV shows that explore new ideas. Look for new ways to do ordinary tasks or rearrange your furniture from time-to-time. Seek new ideas for dinner or vacation destinations. Children pick up the family’s values.

Encourage self-expression. Plan for unstructured playtime and let your child explore both indoors and outdoors. Provide materials for them to experiment on their own. Limit screen time to allow for free thinking outside the box.

Spend time with your child reading together about whatever they are interested in. Take them to see how others do whatever it is they are thinking about. Ask open-ended and thought-provoking questions. Discuss ideas for solving problems they encounter and help them innovate and explore in new areas.

Fight your own tendency to do things by the book and for a ‘correct’ outcome. Let your child know it is OK to make mistakes. Teach them that even the greatest inventors tried and failed many times before they found what works.

Who know, you may just raise a child who will change the world!

Baby Expressions

August 30, 2026 By Diane Constantine

Have you been observing your baby or child to know them even better? Do you know how he/she reacts to tastes, smells, noise, smiles, hugs, strangers, and being alone? I’m sure you already kn0w the answers to many of these.

Some of these preferences are based in their personality and won’t change much throughout life. But others may change very often. What they liked yesterday, they may hate today. Their choice of toys and games they play with you changes very quickly too. So stay flexible and alert.

Though little babies do not understand your words, they do understand your tone. So, as you notice something about them, talk about it. Say things like, “I see you really like bananas today. Bananas are yummy.” Or “Ah, so you don’t want to play Peek-a-Boo right now. This Little Piggy is your favorite game today.” As you practice reflecting out loud what you are observing about your baby and child, you build bridges with them. They will feel more connected to you and your parent-child relationship strengthens.

scared-baby — What is he trying to tell you?

I have a fun exercise for you to try now. There are different levels of consciousness that you can observe even in little babies. Go to, States of Consciousness, with pictures of these levels of consciousness. Try to match the pictures with the descriptions. See how well you do. Then be aware of how your baby demonstrates these levels of consciousness. (Note: Both parents should try this!)

Then go to: Baby Emotions. Since babies cannot tell you in words, it is important we can identify their facial expressions. See how well you do at recognizing these Baby Emotions. Be sure to tell your baby what you observe. They will learn the words for the emotions they feel as you continue to use the correct words. Of course, sometimes you will miss it entirely. That’s OK, keep practicing and you will get better at this non-verbal communication.

The Gottman Institute calls these exercises, building love maps. As we gain knowledge of each other and each of our children, we have a better ‘map’ to their heart. Do whatever you can, even in small ways, to build your understanding and create meaningful connections. It’s an idea with a great future investment.

For more articles on Parenting Together see:

Mom and Dad Together During Pregnancy.
If your baby is already born, you may want to go on to: How Important is Dad?

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Follow Me!

August 26, 2026 By Diane Constantine

You want your kids to be honest, fair, caring, and thoughtful of others. Right?

There’s truth in the old adage: Kids do what you do, not what you say.

Your children learn ethical values and behaviors by watching you. You want to model humility, honesty, fairness, and so on. Yet you know you cannot be perfect all the time. It is so important that they hear you acknowledge your mistakes and weaknesses and see you work hard to correct them. This is a much more powerful example than you lecturing on ethics.

So when you don’t live up to the model you want your kids to copy, use these are opportunities to talk with them about it. You don’t lose face, you gain their respect. They will follow your example.