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Your Child's Journey

wisdom for the big steps little children take

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Owning Our Own Behavior

October 9, 2019 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

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I read the previous article about creating a Culture of Accountability. It is excellent, though it will take some work to implement.

The reason this resonated with me is that there is an atmosphere of self-centeredness that is common today. This results from not being responsible for our own behavior.

Perhaps it is because children have not been taught that we are responsible for our own behavior. It is far easier to blame someone or something else for our bad behavior. “He made me do it.” “She called me a bad name, so I. . .”

Hitting, name calling, grabbing things are all symptoms of selfishness. Wanting our own way starts as a little aggression and becomes a habit if we don’t stop it. Nip it in the bud. “No one else makes you behave badly. Instead of . . ., next time choose to . . .”

Create an atmosphere of sharing and helping.

Helping our children learn that we all have a part to play in having a happy home. We can start by asking the question, “What can I do to help?” If we are each trying to help the others in the family, we aren’t focusing on our own will and wants. Even children coming to two years old can be given things to do that will help.

This month, try to involve your children in helping around the house. Make it an enjoyable challenge to finish ‘helping’ before recreation. Bad attitudes and stubbornness result in loss of ‘fun’ time. Don’t get sucked into a power struggle to get the kids to do what they are asked to do. But do let them know the consequences of not co-operating mean loss of whatever recreation they would have had (for a limited time that evening).

This takes some planning and the will to carry it through, but the benefits far outweigh the trouble.

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Filed Under: All Ages Tagged With: behavior, helping, sharing

H.A.L.T.

July 19, 2017 By Diane Constantine

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Your children are spinning out of control. He’s crying and yelling. She’s whining and dragging her feet. The noise level is rising to painful.

It’s time to H.A.L.T. This is an acronym used in recovery programs, but it fits parenting very well. Things are harder when we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.

HALT and take a quick inventory. Is your child Hungry? Do you know why he’s Angry? Is Loneliness the problem? Is she Tired?

You cannot control every situation or always avoid your little one’s discomfort. But this little acronym, HALT, can give you a quick way to spot the problem and diffuse the emotions.

Hunger is probably the easiest one to fix. Start here and make sure everyone’s blood sugar level is up to normal. If not, a snack or meal is the next order of business.

Anger is usually quite easy to recognize. But it may take a little detective work to figure out what is the root of the anger and how to solve it. Giving a positive way to use up some of that steam can be a safety valve to prevent serious damage.

Children may not be able to tell you they are Lonely. They can be lonely even in a crowd, feeling left out or disconnected from you. Give some one-on-one time to ease this.

Tired children and tired adults get cranky. There is a reason that sleep deprivation is used as a torture strategy. As a basic biological need, human functioning quickly declines in the absence of sufficient sleep. Is it nap time? Has it been an exceptionally busy day or hot day? Some extra sleep can make all the difference.

Megan, in TheArtOfSimple.net said, “The best part of applying HALT to our parenting toolbox is knowing what is triggering undesirable behaviors in our children. Armed with that understanding, we are empowered to respond to them from a place of empathy and understanding, rather than from a place of confusion and frustration.”

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Filed Under: All Ages, Kid Tips Tagged With: behavior, meltdown

New Kid by Friday- part 4

April 30, 2010 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

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Over the last three months I’ve been sharing some insights from Dr. Kevin Leman’s book, Have a New Kid by Friday. In February I reviewed the three pillars of a child’s self worth: Acceptance, Belonging, and Competence. Then in March I reviewed the first of the top 3 long-term concerns of parents, Attitude.

In April I reviewed what he had to say about Character. Of course most of his book is about the third concern, Behavior. It is written for parents with children of all ages; much of the book is beyond the scope of babies and toddlers. Laying good foundations of discipline is so important, though, that I want to take some time to talk about some of his specific approaches.

[Read more…]

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Filed Under: All Ages Tagged With: behavior, discipline

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