Your Child's Journey

wisdom for the big steps little children take

The Couple and Baby Class

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Do you want to childproof your marriage? You are invited to The Couple and Baby Class! Whether you are pregnant or you have a baby already, you and your spouse would benefit by taking this class.

Couple and Baby is an free online course for you and your spouse to take together to help strengthen you marriage for parenting. This is a very stressful time for every couple. There are tried and proven ways for you to ensure the best possible marriage and parenting experience.

Visit the Couple and Baby Class and learn more about the course and sign up to begin.

Time Alone

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When was the last time you had time alone with your spouse? For some of my readers, you conscientiously carve out some time every day alone with your spouse. But honestly, if you do, you’re a rare breed! Most couples in the Klang Valley and in any urban area, find it very difficult to have any time alone with their spouse.

First you are both working outside your home. That means being away from each other during the work day plus the commute to and from work. Since you are not home, most of you have to collect your children from a child minder. Then everyone arrives home tired and hungry. By the time everyone is fed, there is precious little time to spend with the children before they should be in bed. Depending on how you get your children to sleep, that may mean one or the other of you is lying down and there isn’t any more time to spend together.

If you try to keep this up, day in and day out, you will very quickly find your marriage is unsatisfying. Parenting is for the long haul. If you don’t take care of your relationship now, while your children are little, you won’t have a relationship when your children are ready to leave home.

You must find a way to spend at least 20 minutes a day to share with your spouse something from your day. (Don’t use it to try to solve any issues! Just share your life.) Hold hands or cuddle while you talk. Stay focused on each other. This can be a lifeline for your relationship.

Once you have been able to get into this pattern, find a way to have a “date” at least once a month. This does not mean an expensive night out, but it does mean away from the children and other responsibilities.

You will have to have someone else watch your children for you. Perhaps you can swap date nights with another couple who have children too. Sometimes there is an older single friend who would love to have time with a baby or small children in exchange for a home cooked meal with your family at another time.  Grandparents often are craving some time with the grand-kids and would be happy to watch them for a couple hours for you to have a date. You may have to be creative, but it is worth the effort!

I would really like your feedback. How do you manage time alone with your spouse? What works and what doesn’t work?

Vocabulary Growth

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This is especially for parents with preschool children and older.

Every parent wants their child to do well in school. We want our children to read as soon as possible and to love learning. We know the importance of a good start to education. So let’s explore some things you can do to help your child develop a good vocabulary and use of language.

Read to your children often. Read stories they enjoy. And read books above their reading level about subjects they are interested in. If your son is fascinated by dinosaurs, don’t just read children’s books with dinosaurs. Find books and articles that teach more about them than they would be able to learn on their own.

Play word games. Driving in the car, waiting in line, and instead of a computer game, play guessing games. Challenge them to describe something of their choice. Ask questions about its use, parts, color, size, shape, what it is made of, what other things go with it, and its category. Then change roles and let your child ask the questions and guess.

Listen to your child tell a story. This may be the hardest thing you do all day with your child! Some children can talk your arm and leg off! But listen and ask questions. Push them to explain how it could be done differently. If your child doesn’t easily tell what they are thinking about, ask questions they cannot answer with a nod or one word. Encourage conversation. She may be shy or she may be afraid to say something wrong. Reward her attempts with extra time and attention from you.

Memory Games. You can start with rhymes or song lyrics. Grocery lists and steps in a process are all things we all must learn to remember. Memory will go a long way to helping your child in school. Retelling stories with the details in order is another way to help retention of facts. 

Fifty Cent Words. Kids love to learn a big, adult-like word for simple things. You can share a Fifty Cent word every day with your child and encourage them to use it in a sentence. Or let them choose a word that they would like to learn a Fifty Cent synonym for. We taught our toddler ‘umbilicus’ for ‘belly button.’ He loved to show off his Fifty Cent words and would try to insert them into conversations. Words have always been fascinating to him and helped him learn new vocabulary at school easily.

I’d love to be able to share your ideas of ways you help your children grow their vocabulary and become fluent in language. Email your suggestions to: Diane

Speech Development

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Since we live in a gadget age with so much digitalized speech, I thought it would be good to remind you how your child learns to talk. Gadgets that “talk” do not teach children to speak early or well. It is through hearing and seeing and having a relationship with people that children develop the ability to use language.

It is so important to help your child develop a good vocabulary and to learn to speak clearly. A broad vocabulary lays a strong foundation for learning in school, later on. 

If you can teach your child more than one language, do it! You can give them a head start in language learning. When a young child learns to speak in more than one language, later in life, they will pronounce like a native speaker in each of those languages. It also teaches them how to learn other languages later, too. 

In your child’s first two years of life, they are constantly listening to sounds, sorting, putting them together, and trying to understand. They make sounds and watch for which sounds get your attention. As you speak and listen to your child, they begin to start to communicate. Sometimes beginning to speak is quite gradual and sometimes they seem to suddenly put words together.

Here are some basics:

First, speak to your child. Don’t use a high pitched voice and baby words. Use your adult voice and grown-up words because children learn from example. Using baby words instead of real words slows toddler speech development. They eventually have to learn the correct names. This wastes time and effort, from learning additional words.

Second, narrate what your child is doing and experiencing. This lets your child know you are actively involved with them and helps build your bond with them. They also learn the words while involved in the activity. This creates connections in their brains using more than just their sense of hearing. Make sure you also give them time alone and without your narration to learn on their own.

Third, ask questions. Answering your questions about the things they are playing with, gives your kids a chance to use new vocabulary and gain fluency in speech. Subtly in conversation, you can correct grammar or pronunciation by reflecting back to them. 

Fourth, read lots and lots of books. Stories teach vocabulary, expressions, and grammar without effort. The stories expose your children to situations they wouldn’t have experienced otherwise. Use lots of expression as you read to reinforce the meaning of the words. Linger over reading so your little one can take in the images and colors and feelings that the story provides. For more on benefits and how-to, see: Read

Finally, you model speech even when you are not aware of it. They not only learn when you speak to them, they learn as they hear you talk to others. They hear your tone and pronunciation and inflections. They are comparing and contrasting with other things you say. They are memorizing and will begin to practice what they have heard you say to others.

All of this takes time. Make your time with your little one as valuable as possible. Try to not be distracted by media when your child wants to talk to you. And don’t let the daily grind wear away your enthusiasm in your child’s development. Some words you may have to say hundreds of times before your child says them. Occasionally, you’ll be surprised to hear him say a word, you only remember saying once in his presence. Enjoy the process!

For more about learning more than one language as a little child see: Bi-Lingual Learning

New Year Goals

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It is January 1, 2019. The old year is finished, whether well or poorly. The new year is a new opportunity for you and your spouse and your children. I got this article by email and wanted to share this good advice with all the couples who receive these emails.

Are your goals for 2019 as useless as a to-do list on your hand?

The following article is from The Gottman Institute. I hope you will take a few minutes to see how you and your family can build a stronger, better, and happier family in 2019.

“Unfortunately, New Year’s Resolutions are almost synonymous with poor follow through—about 80% of resolutions fail by the time mid-February comes along.

For couples, setting goals to improve their relationship may not be the first thing that comes to mind at the turn of the calendar year. But being intentional about improving communication, trust, and satisfaction can yield significant positive change. This is true for couples in both healthy and unhealthy relationships.

The challenge, then, is to understand why relationship-related New Year’s Resolutions (and goals in general) so often fail.

Consider these common reasons

  • Goals are not in line with individual values. If the goal doesn’t enhance each person’s sense of self and authenticity, then it won’t enhance the relationship, either.
  • Goals are too big. It’s easy to give up on goals if they’re large and intimidating. By chunking them down into small actionable steps, it’s easier to stay consistent with them.
  • Goals are not measurable. It’s fine to say, “We want to communicate better.” But if the goal is left there, how will the couple truly know whether and when it’s been achieved?
  • Goals need to be specific and created in a way so it can be intuitively measured or identified.
  • Goals only focus on the short-term. Couples should regularly evaluate their six month, one year, five year, and 10+ year visions—as a couple and individuals. This helps bridge the gap between short-term and long-term success.

The following suggestions can be used to jump-start your goal-setting session for the new year. These goals reflect specific and measurable actions which can truly enhance communication, trust, and overall relationship satisfaction.

Stay screen-free during meals

This means no phone, no social media, and no television, whether eating at home or while dining out. Why is this so important? Research shows that “phubbing,” which is “the act of snubbing someone in a social setting by looking at your phone instead of paying attention,” leads to lower levels of relationship satisfaction. Be present.

Schedule a weekly date

It’s easy to let a busy schedule take over your life. Couples who make time for quality time with each other create wonderful opportunities to bond. Plan for major holidays (Valentine’s Day, Mother’s/Father’s Day, etc.) as well as new and novel activities (trips to a museum, new restaurants, sporting events, day hikes, etc.).

Plan a vacation

Research shows that planning a vacation brings as much joy (if not more) than the actual vacation itself. And preparing for a trip requires cooperation, saving, and creativity.

Volunteer together

Working together to serve others is a powerful bonding exercise—and sets a good example for children, as well.

Read books together

These can be books specific to relationship-building (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman is a fantastic choice) or any other genre that both people will enjoy.

For a relationship to thrive, partners need to be committed to strengthening the shared bond. To this end, setting relationship-based goals can be extremely effective.

In addition to setting goals together, couples should employ strategies to help hold each other accountable. Examples include weekly scheduled check-ins, scheduling events directly on calendars, or even fun little incentives, such as a meal out or gifts to each other.

Not only will this foster a loving and meaningful relationship, but it will also enhance the well-being of both people involved.”