Baby Blues or Post Partum Depression

May 20, 2014 By Diane Constantine

Not What I Expected This is an excellent article from Today’s Christian Woman

What to Expect When Your Baby is Born with a Disability

January 16, 2014 By Diane Constantine

from: Mamapedia Voices January 16, 2014

by Meria Nichols of “With A Little Moxie”

Sometimes it seems when you are pregnant that the world is simply brimming with people that are eager to tell you exactly what to expect with your baby.

They load you with brightly colored blankets, impossibly tiny clothes and cheerful, precious hats that will keep your little one warm, fashionable and adorable. Advice is also given. In spades. What to do during birth, what to do after birth. What to expect with breastfeeding, with sleepless nights and baby’s screaming. How to help your body heal after the baby comes. How to help the baby grow, develop, thrive and realize his/her maximum brilliance.

But what happens when your baby isn’t what you expected she would be? What happens when your baby isn’t who everyone said your baby would be?

What happens when you have a baby that is born with a disability?

As a mother with a disability (I am deaf), and as the mother of a child with a disability (my daughter has Down Syndrome), I offer you these 5 kernels of truth as I have experienced them:

1. Your baby is your baby first.
Your baby is always your child first. His disability – whatever it may be – is no more a definition of who he is or will become than the color of his eyes or hue of his skin. He will always have more in common with you than with anyone else, regardless of his disability.

2. Your baby is your baby: you know her best.
When you are not familiar with disability, it’s easy to fall into the trap that experts know best. And sometimes they do – complicated medical procedures, for example. But not everything they say needs to be taken as if it’s the Holy Grail.

When my daughter Moxie was born, all of the experts told me she was losing weight and my milk was not coming in because of her extra chromosome. They told me babies with Down Syndrome have a hard time breastfeeding, her latch was weak and so forth (yet they never checked). I couldn’t understand it because she was chomping down on me – nothing felt weak with her latch! And she was a strong infant; there was absolutely nothing sickly or unhealthy about her. It turned out that some placenta had been left in me. One of the early warning signs of placenta being left in after birth is milk not coming in. But no one thought to check because of Moxie’s Down Syndrome.

The point is: listen to your gut. Do your own homework. Talk to other parents and figure things out for yourself. Beyond being safe with your child and her health, you really are the person who knows her best. Listen to your intuition on what your baby needs!

3. Go out and connect.
Grieving for the child you thought you were going to have is very typical. Being scared and feeling a plethora of negative emotion is completely normal when you have a child with a disability. We live in a world that is not always kind to people with disabilities and we know it.

Reaching out and connecting with other parents is one of the best things you can do. Learning about new communities – both online and in person – will help you in more ways than you can count. It will give you support, ideas, a space to talk. It will be a space that will hear you in ways you need to be heard – especially in the beginning.

4. Begone, Dr. Google!
There is a fine line between understanding your baby’s disability and scaring the daylights out of yourself. Beyond having a grasp on your baby’s disability, it’s advisable to stay away from Googling too much about it until you have gone through your grieving process (if you have one). Get to know your baby first so the information can be taken with perspective.

Too much information, too soon, usually hurts more than it helps.

5. It’s going to be okay.
It’s not what you expected, but it will be okay. In fact, it’s probably going to be way more than okay; it’s going to be wonderful! You are going to fall in love with your baby, and you will marvel that you were ever upset about the disability.

No, really, you will. I promise. So just relax for a while, revel in the newness of your precious little one, delight in her existence.

It’s really going to be just fine.

Meriah Nichols is a third culture kid, former missionary child, deaf Mama to three. She is currently traveling with her family from San Francisco to Argentina, along the Pan American Highway.

10 Tips for New Moms and Moms-to-be

May 22, 2013 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

When you’re pregnant, people are filled with unsolicited advice for you: What you should eat. What you shouldn’t eat. How to sleep, how to exercise, how to tell what gender the baby is, how to do everything. And it doesn’t stop once the baby arrives. People love to offer their two cents, but I don’t recall receiving much advice that was actually helpful. In the least.

Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy shares her tips for moms-to-be and new moms. Take a look at her 10 Tips

When New Moms Can’t Stop Worrying

March 29, 2013 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

Amy Simpson wrote about her experience with Post Partum Depression, When New Moms Can’t Stop Worrying. You can read the entire article at: Christianity Today

“The night I brought my firstborn home from the hospital, I broke down and cried. In the hospital, I had been giddy with happiness. At home, I felt panicked. I realized that for all my preparation, I had no idea how to care for a baby. This wonderful, vulnerable person I had fallen so deeply in love with was now my responsibility. I was pretty sure that even if I managed to keep her alive, I’d probably ruin her life.

“After a few days at home and a growing confidence that I could, in fact, keep her alive, the tables turned, and I began to suspect she would be the one to ruin my life. I was unprepared for the emotional strain of the frequent feedings, little sleep, dramatic transition, and distance from our families. Though that initial panic passed, it was months before the clouds began lifting and tears weren’t always imminent.

“I now believe I had at least a mild case of postpartum depression, which I failed to recognize because, like many new moms, I didn’t know what caring for a new baby was supposed to feel like. I also refused to recognize it for several reasons: I lacked the courage to face what I perceived as my own weaknesses. I wanted to believe I was completely capable of handling motherhood, which I had longed for. I feared the stigma of mental-health treatment. And I was desperate to distance myself from my mother, who has schizophrenia. For many years, my worst nightmare had been inheriting her condition and being a mentally ill mother myself.”

. . .

“If you’re a new mom (or anyone, for that matter) and you find yourself overwhelmed by worries, behaviors, or feelings you can’t control, please seek help from a counselor. You can start with your doctor or obstetrician and request a referral to someone who can help you. God made us to care deeply about our children, and motherhood is not easy. But God does not call us to live imprisoned by fear and anxiety. He is a God whose love casts out fear (1 John 4:18), who longs to set us free (John 8:32), who replaces our anxiety with his incomprehensible peace (Phil. 4:6-8). He has created gifted, caring people who can assure you that you’re not alone, teach you to manage your fears in healthier ways, and help restore balance to the chemical chaos in your brain.”

What’s So Important about Crawling?

December 11, 2012 By Diane Constantine Leave a Comment

As a mother, I remember celebrating each of my children’s development milestones, from rolling over to sitting on their own to crawling and walking. After all, each stage of physical development is important… or is it?

In 1994 the American Academy of Pediatrics started to encourage parents to put their babies to sleep on their backs to help prevent sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). SIDS has decreased more than 50 percent, but according to several studies an inadvertent result of the campaign is that more children are meeting their motor milestones later or bypassing them altogether. This is because the lack of time on their bellies doesn’t allow children to develop their upper bodies enough for the classic hands-and-knees crawl. Some children will only crawl for a short period of time, crawl “funny” or skip this milestone completely. The question this raises is, “Is crawling really that important?”

The answer is, “Yes.” Along with strengthening the trunk, shoulders and hand muscles, the mechanics of crawling stimulate different areas of the brain that are important for future learning. When a child begins crawling, this repetitious movement helps stimulate and organize neurons, allowing her brain to control cognitive processes such as comprehension, concentration and memory. When an infant crawls, she visually determines where she wants to go and physically moves in that direction. Her hands become the guides and the child’s first test of hand/eye coordination becomes established. This skill set is used later in life for reading, writing and sports activities.

Written by: Heather Haring, OTR/L, MedCentral Pediatric Therapy