It’s been here since they were both born.
The incessant need to constantly compare them to other kids. Are they sleeping like normal kids? Are they crawling or walking when they should? Are they talking when they should be?
And I see this starting to escalate as David is getting to the preschool age. I see some kids his age reading and he barely knows his letters (not for a lack of trying on my part) and I have panic attacks. What if he is behind? I feel like I’m constantly trying to get around other almost 3 year olds and listen to them talk to see where he is. And the same for Fiona. Why is she not talking more? It keeps me up at night sometimes worried about how each of them will do as they grow up.
This has just been on my mind SO much lately, but I am trying hard to set my “momma mind and heart” and focus on this:
I honestly have never had the desire (even before I had kids) for them to be the smartest kids at school. I would love it if they were, but that just doesn’t seem like the most important thing to me. I don’t need them to be super athletes – but if they were, I would be proud I’m sure. I know kids all develop at different rates.
I think I have to continually put myself in check almost every day. Even though panic starts to arise when I think about how David will do in preschool one day- I remember that honestly I only care about two things when it concerns my children. I don’t care if they are the smartest kids in school. I don’t care if they are the football captain & cheer leading captains. I don’t care if they are homecoming king and queen.
My desire for both my children is that they are kind and giving and that they love Jesus with all their hearts.
I will cheer and clap and jump and holler a whole lot more if they will sit by the kid who is a little different in the cafeteria and offer to share their cookies. Or if they will dry the tears of the kid in their class who gets hurt. Or if they are the first to volunteer when a friend has a need. I will be thrilled to death if they save all their allowance money to help orphans or buy poor kids Christmas gifts. My heart will soar if they will share Jesus with their classmates or invite friends to church. I’m already so full of pride when David demands we pray at every meal and then says the sweetest prayers. That’s better than he being a child prodigy to me all day long.
Those things are eternal. I know being kind and loving God won’t pay the bills but they will buy up mansions in heaven.
So I may spend more time teaching kindness or singing Oh how I love Jesus and praying with them than I do teaching multiplication tables or Latin verbs.
My biggest prayer as a mom is to train their hearts and not their heads. I know that’s NOT the popular way or what seems to be what most people do. And it’s a conviction to me to be the example – which means I have to shape up in where my priorities lie. BIG TIME.
Loving God and loving His people to me is what matters most.
By Barbara Nichols-
a First Steps mom and friend of this ministry. Barbara is the mom of two children and pregnant with her third. Barbara has had some complications in her pregnancy and I know would appreciate your prayers for a healthy pregnancy and safe delivery for her and her son.