Consent

In the midst of news and articles about sexual misconduct, I
have been challenged again to think about how we can prepare our children to
live in this very different atmosphere than we grew up in.

For many parents, the thought of having The Talk with their
child is terrifying. But because sex is paraded on all media and because
children are exposed to porn at earlier and earlier ages, The Talk needs to
happen at younger ages all the time.

We really can’t wait for The Talk about sex. We need to be
talking all along about physical touch and the body. We need to answer the
little questions our children ask about sex. If we do, then it will be more
natural and easy to talk about sex when they are ready.

Katelyn Ewen, in an article for The Gottman Institute,
introduces the important concept of teaching our children about consent.

Katelyn explains how parents can teach their children to
accept or reject touch. It is a way to empower our children to reject unwanted
intimacies throughout their lives. It is also a way to teach our children how
to react when someone rejects their approaches. There is great value in
teaching our children how to accept and reject physical touch. We can begin
this with our baby.

Talk about what you are doing, like, “Mommy’s massaging
lotion on your tummy, back, bottom, etc.” If your baby pushes your hands
away, stop. You can say, “OK, no lotion and massage right now. Maybe
later?” With this kind of talk, we teach our child words to use for body
parts, actions, and ways to accept or reject physical touch.

If we keep asking permission, even in play, we help our
child learn they have control over what happens to their body. “Do you
want a horsey ride on Daddy’s knee?” Then Dad needs to respond correctly
to the child’s yes or no. Also, if your child seems frightened in play, stop
and talk about it. “Daddy would never drop you. Can we snuggle till you
feel calm again?”

All this may feel contrived and unnecessary now. But if we
build a relationship where it is easy to talk about our body and the way we
feel about touch, we empower our children to be able to avoid unwanted
intimacies with others and later in life.

Click to read Katelyn Ewen’s article: Beyond
The Talk for more on how to teach your children about consent.