Most young couples today have some type of premarital counseling to prepare for married life. Usually some questions are asked about plans for children. Some couples, today, are not planning to have children. Others seem quite ready and are making plans to include children in the future.
Yet once a couple are pregnant, most of the preparation for the baby centers around the delivery and getting the things necessary for taking care of a baby.
John Gottman and his colleagues saw a trend in the research they were doing with couples. Within three years of a baby’s birth their research showed a severe drop in marital happiness with an increase in conflict and hostility. This led them to intensively study couples before, during, and after having a baby. That research enabled them to predict, with great accuracy, which couples would be happy and which would not. Based on these findings, Bringing Baby Home has proven to be very successful in increasing the number of happy couples. The babies of these couples learned better and were happier too.
We would like to help young couples learn how to cope constructively with the changes brought about by the birth of a baby and raising children.
We will be adding short articles with exercises for couples to do together to strengthen their marriage, learn how to deal with the inevitable conflicts they have, and how to bring their baby into their relationship in a way that will make their marriage and family stronger and happier.
Deepening Friendship – We are husband and wife before baby comes and after he’s grown and starts his own family. We must strengthen our friendship for the long-haul.
- We deepen our friendship as we become aware of and learn our spouse’s likes and dislikes, preferences, daily activities, hobbies, life dreams and history. Read the article: Open-Ended Questions. Try the Exercise: Open-Ended Questions Exercise
- We deepen our friendship when we express and receive compliments. Affirmation and appreciation are strong relationship boosters. Practice Affirmation and Appreciation
- The Relationship Account -explains how we deposit into our relationship to keep a satisfying and happy marriage.
- Expressing Desires Exercise is a good tune-up exercise to boost the positive deposits into your relationship. Perhaps you and your spouse have been missing cues and opportunities to connect.
- Relationship Disconnects – explores reasons our approaches fail. Sometimes the problem is in the sending and sometimes in the receiving.
- Expressing Needs Exercise -may help you practice talking about your current needs that are not being met as you would like.
- The Positive Point of View – the importance of believing in your relationship and giving your partner the benefit of the doubt even when things go wrong and how to get to this point of view.
- The Rituals Exercise – When we have good rituals of connection in place, it is much easier to have a positive point of view.
Knowing Baby – We begin to study our baby as soon as we see them after delivery. Often, however, we don’t know what to look for.
- Start by reading the article Baby Expressions. Then try the fun exercises:
- Turning Towards Our Child includes how we recognize our baby’s desire to connect and over-stimulation and how to allow self-soothing
Importance of Dad – We know mom is important to a baby’s development. Take some time to see how important is Dad and how to maximize his effect on his children.
- How important is Dad?– This is an article written a few years ago, but is a good introduction to the importance of Dad in a child’s life.
- Dads and Their Daughters– This article highlights the long term effect Dads have on their daughters.
Mom and Dad Together
- Mom and Dad During Pregnancy – So many changes are happening from the time the couple knows they are pregnant. This is a time of preparation in attitudes and expectations.
- Affirm Your Child – Affirmation goes a long way to reducing stress and increasing pleasure between parents. It is also one of the best ways to help our children develop a healthy self-esteem.
Gottman Institute Helps
- The Meaning of Money– a tool to help you determine what money means to you to help you make good joint decisions on spending/saving.