Last month your exercise was to express a desire or two and how your spouse could help you. Throughout your marriage your needs will change. What was only a desire becomes a strongly felt need and what was once a need no longer seems so important. Being able to express your needs clearly will help prevent bitterness from building up. Showing you can take action to see that your spouse’s needs are met is a great way to demonstrate your love. This is a good exercise to help you express your needs and to find ways to meet your spouse’s needs.
Scan the list and choose one to talk about. Explain the current need and give as much information as possible. When it is your turn to listen, try to make a plan as to how you will help to meet the need. Begin the sentence with, “I need . . .
- to talk about . . . or for us to discuss . . .
- to hear about . . . or hear how you . . .
- to know what you think or feel about me or our home or our children . . .
- more romance in our marriage or dates or music or surprises or gifts . . .
- more kissing or touching or cuddling or foreplay or sex. . .
- time with others: extended family or friends or to entertain . . .
- help with household chores or shopping or child care . . .
- less stress or tension or fights . . .
At different stages of your relationship, it would be good to revisit this exercise. Maybe you can include it around New Year or your anniversary. This is a way to express your current needs and take stock of better ways to show your love and attention to your spouse.